Daughters of SVU
by nomdeplum9
Summary: See Liv?...She is as you are, namely a daughter of SVU.' One night, Olivia recieves a gift that can only be described as either a blessing or a curse.
1. Prelude

Daughters of SVU

One night, Olivia receives a gift that can be described only as a blessing and a curse.

E/O in later chapters…

A/N- Any cases mentioned in my series will be from my imagination. Any characters, excluding members of SVU and other well-known precincts in the series are also from my mind.

Disclaimer-I don't own them. I have never owned them. I will never own them. Dick Wolf owns them.

Prelude-

Detective Olivia Benson, of Manhattan Special Victims Unit, sat stiffly in the back of a taxi, thoughts swirling in her head. A man's arm was protectively wrapped around her shoulder, and she was in possibly the most expensive dress she had ever owned. Green silk, strapless, reached her ankles, and heeled shoes were on her feet. She felt like some fairytale princess that was being fooled. One thing Olivia hated was dressing up, and here she was in a gown and heels. That really wasn't bothering her, though. Neither was the fact that the man sitting next to her had his arm around her. The man was her coworker, Detective John Munch. Munch, the conspiracy freak and loveable senior member of SVU, had generously offered to be her escort to the NYPD Formal Winter Ball, where they were now headed. She knew that she had had a bad day, and she was happy that the other members of SVU had cared enough to watch out for her. So, she was sitting in a cab with Munch, who was rambling about Big Brother. All she could do was stare out the window and think about today's case, among other things. A father, who had sole custody of his three daughters, who had been accused of beating on his wife and children, had been murdered. His wife, who was the murderer, had tried to flee with her daughters. She had been caught on a bus to the capital, and was now sitting on suicide watch. Her daughters, ages 6, 3, and 5 months, were destined to be put in foster care for their childhood. Olivia had been sent to collect the mother and children once the bus company IDed the group. She had to hold the little baby, and it awoke that feeling in her. That feeling that she was missing out on something important.

Something…something like motherhood and family. She had drawn the short straw with family until she joined Special Victims. There she met her "family." There was the father figure, Captain Don Cragen. Her crazy uncle was Munch, because who else would come up with conspiracies so outrageous? She had two sisters, the only other female members of the squad she had ever really known, and they were the two ADAs assigned to the unit. Alexandra Cabot and Casey Novak were their names. Alex might be gone, but she was still family, as much as anyone else could be. Her off-beat brother, who could be distant and still care, was Fin Tutuola, partner to Munch. They were all her family, and Olivia knew they all loved her. What she wasn't sure about was her partner, Elliot Stabler. He was a married, Catholic, family man with a wife and children. He had a wife, that is. He was divorced, and he was mad at a lot of people. He had always had a bit of anger issues, but she knew that he would always look out for her. She also knew that they were all overprotective morons who could never stop caring. When White had stalked her that first year, Munch and Elliot had both offered to drive her to and from work. It had been the first loving gesture of many. Now, she was focusing on her lack of biological family. Her mother was dead, and she had no children. Relationships weren't her thing. Love wasn't, either, except when it came to the members of the 1-6. That was her home as much as her little apartment, possibly more. She spent all her time there, spending nights in the crib whenever a case was too important, or when she didn't want to go to that empty apartment.

"Liv, we're here," Munch said, removing his arm from her shoulder and getting out. He briskly walked to her door and opened it for her, always the true gentleman.

"Thanks, Munch, for taking me," Olivia said gratefully, sliding out and standing up next to him. Snow fell softly on the New York City pavement, and she smiled softly.

"Aww… you're welcome. You were quiet on the ride here, though. What are you thinking about?" he asked her, pausing a few yards away from the door.

"Family," she muttered simply.

"Liv, are you still upset about your mother? Have you talked to Huang?" Munch asked, holding her forearm. He looked at her, concern written all over his face.

"Yes, I did. She's not who I'm thinking about, though. I'm thinking about my true family," she began, but Cragen and Elliot had arrived. Fin, who would never be caught in a suit, had offered to be the detective that stayed behind in the precinct.

"Hey, Liv," Elliot said, in a dark suit. He looked at her, in a dress and heels. The last time she had even gotten close to wearing something like this was when she went undercover to "work the streets." Needless to say, she looked a lot better now.

"Good evening, Olivia. You look wonderful," Cragen complemented. He offered her his arm and she took it with a slight laugh.

"Thank you, Captain. I thought it would be fun to wear a dress tonight. I don't need to play the tough kick-butt detective all the time," Olivia joked.

"What if you still are the tough kick-butt detective?" Munch asked. Liv smiled softly and an evil look flashed across her face.

"Want to find out what will happen if you attack a lady cop in a dress and stiletto heels?" she asked him. He shook his head quickly and linked her other arm with his. Elliot opened the door to the ballroom and bowed mockingly as the trio walked through. Olivia smiled at him, then at Munch and Cragen. Elliot knew, possibly more than anyone else at the squad, how she felt. He could see the look in her eyes as she held that little baby, how she whispered softly to calm the wailing child. He couldn't know how much she had dreamed about having a child of her own, and how deathly scared she was of those very thoughts.

The group walked towards their table, simply labeled "Manhattan SVU." Casey and Melinda Warner were sitting at the table, talking and sipping wine. Melinda was a friend, not really family yet. She was the relative who wasn't related, but very close. Cragen sat down at the head of the rectangular table to watch his "children," interested to see what would happen. He was the father figure to almost every person here, and he enjoyed that aspect of the job.

"You all have some fun tonight. Work will be waiting for us tomorrow morning," he told the group. Olivia sat down next to Melinda, engaging in a conversation about the holidays. Munch smirked and held out a hand to Casey, than he swept her away for a theory-filled waltz. Elliot got drinks for everyone and silently watched Olivia. She wasn't ready for anything yet, he could tell. She needed this night to relax more than anything, and he wanted her to be happy.

* * *

Three hours, two glasses of wine, and several hundred conspiracies later, Elliot bowed slightly to Olivia and held out his hand.

"May I have this dance?" he asked formally, his smile creeping across his face. Olivia blushed and nodded. He wrapped his arm protectively around her waist, letting it hang there until they were on the dance floor. Munch, who had sneaked off towards the band, had managed to persuade them into playing a slow song just as the two came onto the floor. Olivia bit her lip and placed her left hand on Elliot's shoulder and her right hand into his raised palm. He put his hand gently on the small of her back and swayed, maintaining a respectful distance between their two bodies.

"That was mean, Munch," Casey and Cragen chided.

"We all know eventually they'll get together anyway. Why can't I have some fun?" Munch pouted and threw a cashew at Casey, who glared at him.

* * *

"Come along, Olivia. We need to get you back to your apartment," Munch and Elliot said, gently taking an arm and walking her to a waiting cab. Liv was tired, and she knew she should be heading home. She napped on Elliot's shoulder throughout most of the ride back to her apartment, but woke up as the taxi pulled to a halt.

"I'm fine now, guys. Thank you for a great evening," she muttered. She slowly climbed out of the cab and Elliot stood there, waiting.

"Elliot, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired. Go home, I'll see you in the morning," she told him, and he slowly got back into the cab. She walked up to her apartment, holding the keys and quietly letting herself into the silent home. Her apartment…she hated it at times. There was a kitchenette, with a mini-fridge and some cabinets with counters. She had a little two-person table set up in a corner of the main room, but she couldn't honestly remember the last time someone else had sat down to eat with her there. In the center of the main room were a small couch, coffee table, and TV. Next to the TV was a boom-box, with a stack of CDs piled on top of it. Olivia locked her door, walked the few short steps through her living/dining/entertaining room and went through a small door. She fell down on her bed and almost fell asleep right away. She remembered to change into a tank top and flannel sweatpants, neatly hanging her dress in a corner of her closet. If felt as through she had barely closed her eyes when the buzzer in her apartment went off and Olivia woke up in a cold sweat. She grabbed her gun and lay there for a moment, waiting…

A/N-Thanks for reading, and look for the next chapter! I should have it within a week. As almost any other writer, I do love reviews.


	2. Welcome to Special Victims

**A/N-I forgot to mention in the last chapter that I am also a writer on SVUfiction. This story will appear exactly as it appeared there. The only difference is my pen-name there was simply FoolForLove. Also, you might hate me for this chapter. Just stick with me and I promise things will get better. This is my first fanfic, okay?**

**Disclaimer-I don't own them. Duh!**

**Pretty Please?-Reviews. I love them. They encourage me to find the next chapter on my computer and take the time needed to upload it. If you don't review, I don't update. Simple as that.**

**Summary-One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O...**

* * *

Chapter One-Welcome to Special Victims

Whenever Olivia was chosen to be stalked by a perp, they usually followed her around, left phone messages, and rang her buzzer for no reason. None of the perps busted in the last few weeks had shown signs of being a stalker, but there could have been a release and a felon who had gotten loose had a grudge. It didn't really matter, though. None of the other stalkers had been like this. The buzzing noise, which had woken her up, was never-ending and rang through her head. Quietly, she grabbed a sweatshirt and slid on a pair of sneakers. Her gun was nestled firmly in her grip as she descended the flights of stairs to the lobby area. Olivia peered out a window and saw a stick taped to the buzzer, and a basket at the other end. She thought it might be a bomb…that would be a first. She strained her ears against the glass and heard a soft mewling sound, like a small animal in pain. Instinct took over. Someone or something was in danger, and that meant that she, Olivia the cop, would have to investigate.

The soft sounds, now sounding more like a pathetic whimper, were clearly coming from the basket. Olivia removed the tape and stick, silencing the buzzer that presumably was still sounding in her apartment. Carefully, she knelt down on the ground next to the basket. A note was taped to the side, with a message scrawled onto the paper.

"_Dear Detective Olivia Benson,_

_You helped me when nobody else would. You believed in me, and gave me back my life. I couldn't handle it. You may be wondering who I am, what I've done, and what lies in my basket. Open it, I promise it will not harm you…_"

The note left a blank stretch, and Olivia opened the bundle. In it, much to her surprise and fear, lay a baby. The child had a mop of curly blonde hair, and was crying. Olivia picked up the child and held her, reading the next part of the note.

_"Detective Benson, this is my child. My beautiful baby girl. I cannot keep her. She is a reminder of who I am, what happened to me, and I fear that she would be in danger if left in my care. I never gave her a name. Please, name my child. Give her a wonderful home, and treat her well. It is all that I ask. Please, watch out for my baby, as you have for so many others. She is in the best care now, and I have complete faith in you, because you will raise her well. Good luck, Ms. Benson, and let my child be happy."_

* * *

Olivia's mind was reeling. She had never cared for a baby for longer than a few minutes, in a car ride back to the precinct, or when she had to remove a child from a parent's custody. This was different. Now, no social worker would be waiting to take her, and no parent would come for her. This child was as alone in the world as Olivia herself. She hummed softly and rocked the baby all the way up the stairs, and made a comfortable little nest on her bed. Then she had to decide what to do next, and calling Elliot was the first thing that came to mind.

"Elliot, I need your help. Can you come to my apartment?" she asked, whispering into the receiver. The child had fallen asleep soon after settling on Olivia's bed, and she did not want to wake her.

"Sure, Liv, but what's wrong? Are you ok?" Olivia could hear the concern edging into his voice.

"I'm fine, Elliot. I just need your help. Please," Olivia allowed a hint of a begging tone to her voice, hoping that he would act on it.

"I'm on my way. Should you buzz me up, or do you want me to use my key?" he asked her.

"Use the key, but knock quietly first. See you in a few," she muttered, and then hung up. She went in to sit by the baby, trying to guess her age. The child couldn't be a newborn, but was definitely not a year old. Olivia would guess between six and eight months, but she would ask Warner to conduct a medical exam just in case.

* * *

She rose from her post on the bed when she heard the knock and the jangle of keys in the lock.

"Elliot… thanks for coming. I didn't know what do to," Olivia explained gently. Elliot walked in and hung his jacket on a chair.

"You dragged me all the way into Manhattan at two in the morning. What's wrong?" Elliot looked around the apartment, vaguely remembering its layout.

"Please, be quiet. And I tried to go to sleep hours ago, but the buzzer went off. I went downstairs to check things out, and found a basket outside. In it…oh, Elliot, in it… there was a baby in the basket. A little girl, I think maybe six months. I found this taped to the basket. Elliot, someone left me a child," she said. Silently, she handed him the note and beckoned him to read. She watched his eyes travel over each line, and he nodded slowly.

"Can I see the baby? Where is she now?" Elliot looked around at the small dwelling, his eyes resting on the closed bedroom door.

"Come on, but don't wake her." Elliot followed Olivia into her bedroom, the only room in the entire apartment he hadn't seen. Of course, there were obvious reasons as to why, but he was still interested. The baby was still on the bed, sucking on an invisible nook in the darkness.

"Liv, the child is beautiful. You didn't see anyone when you went outside?"

"No, my first thought was to check out the bundle and then my priority was the child. I didn't think to look around. Elliot, some victim wants me to raise her child. Name her child, feed her child, teach her child, be a mother to her child. I don't know what to do! That's why I called you. You're a father with four wonderful kids. What do I do?" asked Olivia, walking out of the room. Elliot quietly followed once more, and went to look through her fridge.

"What are you doing? Please don't tell me you're hungry now."

"I'm checking out your supplies. Aside from a butt-load of coffee, you don't have much to eat here, do you?"

"Nope, not really. I keep a cereal box in a cupboard, maybe some fresh fruit when I pass the fruit stall, and sometimes I have leftovers from eating out or whatever. I don't have anything suitable for you or the baby," she admitted, frowning slightly. Elliot could see a few tears forming in her gorgeous eyes, and he patted her back comfortingly.

"Shh… it's ok, Liv, it's ok. You need to go to the convenience store on the corner and buy two bottles, some formula and baby food, and lots of diapers. You also might want to get some baby shampoo and another little outfit, but that might need to wait until tomorrow. I'll wait here with the baby. Do you need some money?" Elliot offered, reaching for his wallet. Olivia shook her head and bit her lip, thankful that Elliot had a plan.

"I'll be right back. Thanks so much, Elliot. Please, feel free to turn on the TV or make a pot of coffee," she called, and walked out of the apartment.

* * *

Elliot stayed that night, even after Olivia came back. They were discussing plans for the baby and what to do with the child while they both were working. The most important thing they wanted to decide right away was a temporary name.

"What about Anne, Claire, or Rebecca?" Elliot asked, careful not to choose any names resembling the names of his children.

"No. I've got the perfect name. Alexandra Casey…" Olivia watched Elliot's reaction. Alex was of course the name of the ADA who had been killed, and Casey was her replacement. Both were wonderful women in their own right.

"That's a wonderful choice, Liv. Alex and Casey will be proud."

* * *

The next morning, Olivia was left with no other choice but to take the baby to work with her. She packed a bag with food, diapers, and blankets for little Alexandra, along with the note that had accompanied her. Eyebrows were raised as she and Elliot walked in together, but people were shocked at the baby in her arms.

"Liv, what's that?" Fin asked, getting up and walking over.

"Did you catch a crime on the way over here?" Munch added, closely following his partner.

"Read this," she told them, handing them the note. Fin and Munch read it simultaneously, and Captain Cragen walked out to see them cooing over the baby.

"Benson, why is there a child in your arms?" he asked, his eyes narrowing in what was hopefully a stern look. Olivia laughed and walked over to her boss, gently holding out the bundle so that he could see the now giggling baby.

"Elliot, give Captain the note, please," Olivia asked. Cragen read it quickly and looked down once more at the child.

"You don't know the mother? You didn't see anyone?" he asked.

"No, Captain. Elliot helped me figure out what to do. If it's alright with you, I'd like to get Warner up here to take a little look at her. I want to know some more about the child," Olivia muttered, rocking the baby and smiling down at her.

"Well, I'll call her, and when she gets a moment I'll see if I can drag her up here. One more question, though. Did you decide on a transitory name? The mother gives you full parental rights in the note, you know," Cragen told her.

"I had one idea. As long as the baby is with me, her name is Alexandra Casey," she mumbled, feeling a rosy tint appear on her face.

"Wonderful idea, Liv. Alexandra Casey Benson, welcome to Special Victims," he whispered, leaning near the baby. She giggled and waved her little fists in the air, and Olivia decided to let the fact that Cragen had added her last name to the baby's slide just this once. All she could do was smile and watch as that tiny little being was lovingly passed from arm to arm, each person showing a special love with little Alexandra. Now all she had to do was decide what she was supposed to do with the child... and she wasn't sure what she ought to do. The child really didn't belong with her, she was a full-time cop who couldn't even keep a boyfriend. However, that face was so young, so innocent...

Thoughts ran through her head. Various scenarios, all with different themes and endings, repeated in her mind. What if she kept the girl? Would she be okay with being a mom? And...what if she didn't keep her? What if she did the cop-thing and gave the girl to child services. Could she willingly subject an innocent girl to that kind of future? Then there was herself to consider. Selfish as it was, Olivia had often thought about becoming a mother. Hearing an innocent "I love you," from a child, the hugs and the smiles, everything she saw when parents interacted with their children, it often made her want to cry. She had had a terrible childhood, herself, but not all the memories of her mother were bad ones. But could she turn away from the job she loved to a child she wasn't sure she could care for? So many questions, but Olivia knew, in her heart, the right answer.


	3. A New Mommy

**A/N-Thanks for all the reviews! I love them! Someone mentioned the baby's mother and her background in a review and I'd just like to comment on that for a moment. I've written clean through chapter Seven and I haven't made any mention of her mother. If you want to see that, tell me in a review! If enough people want it, I'll write it.**

**Disclaimer-I don't own them.**

**Summary-One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse.**

Chapter Two-A New Mommy

"Well, Olivia, there isn't anything here saying that you can't keep the baby, or that the state can take her away. Whoever wrote this letter clearly wanted you to raise the baby. Would you like us to devote some time to searching for her real family?" Casey asked, as the whole unit crowded into her office the next day. At that moment, Cragen held Alexandra in his arms, letting her wrap her fingers around his thumb.

In almost everyone's minds they had become the family of the child as much as they had become family to Olivia. Cragen was already thinking of himself as Grandpa Don, a title he would never have otherwise. 'Uncle John' had wasted no time and bought the little girl a teddy bear named Mr. Munch, and Fin had given Olivia a bunch of storybooks. Warner would be visiting the squad room after the visit with Casey to examine Alexandra, and most likely give some more insight on the baby's health, age, and needs. Best of all, Elliot would often stay late into the night, offering endless parenting tips and just keeping the two company. He had already offered a crib that was stored away in his basement, as well as a highchair and other baby furniture.

"I don't know, Casey. I don't know if I can be a good mother to this child. I didn't ask for this. I don't know if I can do this. As a friend, what do you think I should do?" asked Olivia, watching little Alexandra interact with the squad.

"As a friend, I think you would be the best mother in the world, and would find a way to give this child the best life possible. Speaking as a lawyer, the child needs a good solid home, a loving mother, and someone more than willing to put the child above all else. You definitely fit the criteria. What did you say that she was to be called?" Casey inquired.

"While she is with me, the little girl's name is Alexandra Casey. If she stays with me, her name will be Alexandra Casey Benson," Olivia announced. Casey blushed softly, noting that the child had her name, as well as her predecessor. "I didn't want another Casey running around SVU, so please forgive me that I gave her Alex's name first."

"It's nothing, Liv. I'm honored that you thought of me."

"I wanted her to have the names of the two strongest women I know. Alex and you were both amazing at what you did, and Alex gave up her life for the right thing. You are compassionate about what you do, and you never settle for anything short of what's owed. I just don't know if I could properly raise a child on my own, despite of whose name she has." Olivia bit her lip, straining to keep worry and fear from her voice.

"Hold on, who said that you would be raising her alone?" Cragen asked, looking up from the baby and turning to Olivia.

"Yeah, you know we want to be a part of her life too," Fin added.

"Face it, Liv. You can't keep this beautiful baby girl from the rest of us. I don't know about everyone else, but I want to try to make a difference in one small person's life," Munch exclaimed.

"See, Liv? This child isn't yours and yours alone. She is as you are, namely a daughter of SVU," Cragen finished. He handed little Alexandra over to Olivia and looked at his watch. "Bye, Casey. We need to get Alexandra here back to the precinct; she's got a doctor visit."

"Thanks, Casey. I'll call you tonight about the adoption papers. I think I want to adopt her," Olivia whispered, bowing her head slightly and rocking the child on her shoulder.

"No problem, on one condition. Do I need to be called Aunt Casey, or could she just know me as Casey? 'Aunt' makes me feel old, and there is no way that this child is learning how to play ball from anyone other then me," Casey threatened, her voice mocking.

"Of course, Aunt Casey," Olivia teased, and the group followed her out of the door.

* * *

"Well, Olivia, the baby appears to be about seven months old, give or take a week. She seems well-nourished now, but she didn't get quite enough vitamins and proteins when she was firstborn. I'll write up a list of foods for a diet like the one she needs. She's right on track with other babies her age as far as weight and height, and she seems like a happy child. She's very pretty, too. This is one person I actually enjoyed examining," Warner noted, handing the baby to Olivia. Alexandra giggled at the sight of her and gently pulled on a piece of hair.

"Ouch, sweetheart, let go of my hair. Thanks, Melinda. Call me when you get a hit on the DNA on the victim I sent you," Olivia reminded, and watched Warner leave the precinct. Elliot wasn't there to be happy with her, because he had left for something right after their visit with Casey. Now he walked back in holding a long box, squashed almost flat.

"Here, Liv. I had an idea last night, but I didn't get the chance to go to my basement until now. Captain gave me special permission to leave. Can you take Alexandra to Cragen's office and play there for a few minutes? Fin, Munch, and I have something to set up. It's a surprise!" Olivia looked at him, then at Fin and Munch. All three were working hard to hide all emotion from their face, and she sighed.

"Fine, but hold on. I think Alexandra is getting a little hungry anyway." She grabbed a bottle from the baby bag she now brought to work and took it into Cragen's office.

"They kicked me out of my own workplace," she complained to him. Cragen smiled at the two and shrugged.

"It's okay; I know what they're doing. Have you had any leads on the drowned victim last night?" he asked, focusing the topic on work instead of what was going outside of the little office.

"No, not yet, Captain. All we know so far is that she is white, late twenties-early thirties, black hair and eyes, and she had a scar on her arm. We sent the description to Missing Persons hours ago, but they haven't gotten back to us yet," Olivia replied. Alexandra snuggled comfortably into her arms, quietly drinking up all of the formula in the bottle.

"I'll make a call to Missing Persons. How's our girl doing?"

"Alexandra is doing just fine. She's beginning to sleep through the night, if I put her down at 11 and don't mind waking up at 4 in the morning," Olivia joked.

"That's wonderful, Olivia, but how are you doing?" Cragen asked, with concern in his eyes.

"I'm doing okay. Taking care of a child isn't easy, and I can't even refer to myself as 'Mom.' Everyone's been helping me, though, so it's getting better. I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have SVU backing me up," Olivia muttered gratefully. Suddenly, someone knocked on the window pane of Cragen's office.

"I think they're ready. Why don't you go check things out?" he suggested, and Olivia tried to stand up without disturbing the baby in her arms. She walked out and nearly began to cry with what she saw. Elliot, Fin, and Munch had designated a whole corner of the bullpen to Alexandra. A baby gate sectioned off an unused corner, and inside the little area were books, a small portable crib, shelves with baby necessities, toys, and a miniature refrigerator.

"Oh, guys, did you honestly do this for me?" Olivia asked, handing Alexandra off to Cragen, who had followed her out of his office.

"Alexandra needed somewhere safe to stay while her Mommy is working, doesn't she?" Elliot asked, hugging Olivia for a moment. She nodded and let herself be embraced by the members of SVU in turn. Each person whispered proud things into her ear, along with congratulations and praise of her and the child.

"Fin thought of the mini-fridge," Munch explained. "He figured you might need to store baby bottles or something."

"Thank you all so much," Olivia began, but Cragen interrupted her.

"Liv? Alexandra wants you," he told her, and held out the squirming baby. She took the child in her arms and rocked her softly, whispering words that the whole squad strained to hear.

"Shh…baby, it's ok. Mommy's here now, it's ok. Mommy's here, Mommy's here, don't worry. It's alright…shh…" Olivia tried to comfort the child, who drifted off to sleep in her mother's arms. Quietly, she placed the baby in the new crib and smiled. Everyone was looking at her by now, and they could see that look in her eyes.

"Liv, you called yourself 'Mommy,'" Elliot said to her. The rest of the group watched their female detective with mild interest.

"I know, Elliot. I know."

* * *

"Hey, Elliot, does Maureen still baby-sit little kids?" Olivia asked, a few days after the introduction of 'Alexandra's Corner.' She had to admit that she was shocked with the events spiraling off the little space. Munch played with Alexandra during his breaks, and Fin dropped off a new toy every few days. Elliot, who appeared to care very deeply for the little girl, always made sure to pick her up every so often and spin her around. Alexandra loved the attention from everyone, and sometimes even Cragen would pick her up and read her a story.

"I think she does. She's trying to save up spending money for college stuff," Elliot laughed.

"Good. Did her number change recently?"

"No, but you have Maureen's phone number?" Elliot looked puzzled, and Olivia just laughed.

"Yes, from ages ago. Let's go out to eat after work," she suggested. "I think I may need a little break."

"Sounds great. Want me to call Maureen, or would you?" Olivia picked up the phone and dialed Maureen's number. After a little small talk, Olivia asked if she would mind babysitting. Maureen must have said something amusing back, because Olivia laughed and shook her head. After some discussion, Olivia hung up the phone.

"Well? Are we on for tonight?" Elliot asked.

"Yup, Maureen's going to be at my apartment at 6:30. Why don't you just come back to my place instead of going to your place and meeting me somewhere?" Elliot nodded his agreement to Olivia's proposition, and both went back to their jobs.

* * *

"Hi, Maureen," Olivia greeted, opening the door to welcome the babysitter and friend.

"Hey, Olivia!" Maureen replied, hugging Olivia for a moment before looking past her. Elliot was seated on the floor of the main room, bouncing Alexandra on his knees.

"Hello Maureen. This is Alexandra Casey Benson," Elliot said, turning the little girl to face his daughter. Maureen knelt down next to her father and the girl and tickled her on the belly.

"Hey there, sweets! Aren't you adorable?" Maureen cooed.

"Elliot, you ready to go?" Liv asked. "We shouldn't be out too late, I just wanted to get a meal without worrying about making sure that Alexandra could be watched. Thanks, Maureen, for coming." Maureen nodded and Elliot stood up, placing the girl in his daughter's outstretched arms.

* * *

Elliot and Olivia walked through the streets of Manhattan, admiring the snow and shivering slightly in the cold weather. They found themselves standing outside of a familiar bar, where everyone from the precinct went to hang out. Elliot opened the door and ushered Olivia inside, and they then found themselves faced with Casey and Cragen in a nearby booth.

"Benson, Stabler, what are you guys doing here? You got off work an hour ago," Cragen scolded, glancing up from a file. Casey quickly packed it away and turned to face the detectives as well, a mysterious look in her eyes.

"Well, Captain, Liv wanted a night without a kid and I didn't want to spend the night alone, so here we are. What are you doing here?" Elliot asked, interest sparkling in his eyes.

"Going over a case, Elliot," Casey answered mysteriously, glancing from him to Olivia.

"Well, then, that's fine. Are you almost finished discussing 'confidential business' and care for some company?" asked Olivia.

"Sure, sit down," Cragen replied, and made room at the booth. Soon the discussion turned from whatever to sports, and sports to the holidays.

"Casey, what are you doing for Christmas?" Olivia pondered, sipping on a beer.

"Just me, my television, and my microwave dinner, I'm afraid. I couldn't catch a train to visit my sister upstate. Elliot, what are you doing?"

"Actually, I'm not doing anything either. Kathy got the kids for Christmas," Elliot said bitterly. "Captain, are you alone on Christmas?"

"Yes, there's nobody else. I might be in the precinct, though. Someone needs to go through some old files and update them," sighed Cragen. "Olivia, do you have anything planned for you and Alexandra?"

"Not yet. I managed to buy a Christmas tree and ornaments, and I picked up some things for Alexandra. Why don't you all come over to my place for Christmas? Fin's probably going to be alone, unless he is talking to his son again. Munch can bring a menorah over and enlighten us about the Jewish holiday. What do you say? Everyone can bring something to eat, and we won't have to be alone on Christmas." Olivia smiled at the thought of actually celebrating Christmas, than realized that it would be a holiday that would have to be celebrated every year from now own.

"I'm in. I'll bring a salad," Casey offered.

"I'll bring some soup and mashed potatoes. Those are my specialties, you know," Cragen laughed.

"Don't worry, Liv, I'll bring over some beer and wine, and I think I've got some Italian rolls tucked away in the freezer. Can you handle the ham? Munch and Fin could probably handle everything else." Elliot smiled at the thought of a Christmas with the people he loved most in the world, aside from his children.

"I think I can manage. It's settled, then. Christmas will be at my apartment," Olivia decided, and smiled at the thought of sharing a holiday with the people she cared for the most.


	4. Christmastime is Here

**A/N-I forgot to mention in the last chapter that I am also a writer on SVUfiction. This story will appear exactly as it appeared there. The only difference is my pen-name there was simply FoolForLove. Also, you might hate me for this chapter. Just stick with me and I promise things will get better. This is my first fanfic, okay?**

**Disclaimer-I don't own them. Duh!**

**Pretty Please?-Reviews. I love them. They encourage me to find the next chapter on my computer and take the time needed to upload it. If you don't review, I don't update. Simple as that.**

**Summary-One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O...**

Chapter Three-Christmastime is Here

Christmas Eve in the Benson household was a quiet celebration. Olivia had managed to beat through the crowds to buy her daughter a new party dress, as well as a nice sweater for herself. Her little Christmas tree sat in the corner, with child-friendly ornaments hung throughout the fake branches. Olivia had already prepared the ham using tips from neighbors and the internet. She sat down with a cup of coffee to watch television with her daughter when a knock echoed through the apartment. Instinctively, Olivia grabbed her gun and went to the peephole. Elliot Stabler was standing there, holding an overnight bag, presents, and a big case of assorted liquors.

"Elliot, you do know that Christmas isn't until tomorrow, right?" she asked, opening the door.

"I figured you might need some help. However prepared you think you are, the first time you cook during a holiday will always be a little hectic," he warned. He knelt down next to where Alexandra was playing with toys and kissed her on the top of the head.

"Thanks, Elliot. Alexandra, sweetheart, I think it's time for bed, what do you say? Want Mommy and Elliot to tuck you in?" she asked the little girl. Alexandra raised her little hands up and Olivia picked her up off of the ground. She whisked her away to the crib and changed her.

"Goodnight, little Alexandra," Elliot whispered. His palm rested on the small back of the little girl that lay in front of him, smelling like baby shampoo and diapers.

"Goodnight, my sweetheart," Liv murmured, and they both walked out of the room. Olivia poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Elliot, who had made himself at home on her little couch. She sat down next to him, watching the characters foil some dastardly plot onscreen. Like a nervous teenage boy, he pretended to stretch his arms and put one arm around her, hugging her loosely. Almost dead with fatigue she leaned into his little embrace, resting her head in the crook between his neck and shoulder.

"You ought to be going to sleep," he said in a low voice. Olivia merely grunted in reply and slowly stood up.

"I'll get you some blankets and a pillow. Do you need anything else?" she asked, going to a small closet that held linens. She pulled out a few warm blankets and a fluffy pillow and threw it at him.

"No thanks, that's all I really need. Tomorrow morning I'll go out and get some bagels and coffee. Sound good?"

"Works for me. Goodnight, Elliot," she whispered, standing in her doorway. The man she loved as a friend and perhaps more, who she loved more then anything else in the world, except her daughter, was going to continue to sleep on her couch.

"Goodnight, Liv," he began.

"Wait, Elliot. That couch can't be comfortable. Please, just sleep on my bed. We're both adults, we can do that without going crazy. I don't take up much space. Come on, you have to hate sleeping on that couch," she said, watching him think it over in his mind.

"Are you sure you're ok with it?" he questioned.

"I'm fine. I'll get changed in my bedroom, you can use the bathroom if you like," she suggested, carefully switching topics and ending the debate. She changed into a tank-top and flannel pajama pants and climbed into bed. A few minutes later Elliot walked in, in an NYPD shirt and boxers. She could smell the mint toothpaste on his breath as he found his way in the dark.

"Goodnight, Elliot," she whispered again, as she purposefully rolled over so that he couldn't see her face.

"Goodnight, Liv," he replied.

* * *

Olivia slowly woke up at about 10 minutes to 4 on Christmas morning. She had almost forgotten that she had invited her partner to sleep on her bed the night before, and nearly had him cuffed before she recognized the sleeping face. She got up quietly, put a few wrapped presents underneath the Christmas tree, and waited for her daughter to wake up. Sure as can be, Alexandra began to fidget at 4, and Olivia swept her out of the crib and into the kitchen, making sure not to wake Elliot. She fed, bathed, and dressed her daughter in her new red dress, and put her down to play. She was making her mandatory cup of coffee when Elliot appeared at the bedroom door.

"Good morning!" she said brightly. "Merry Christmas, Elliot."

"Merry Christmas to you, too. Why are you up so early?" he asked groggily.

"Alexandra always wakes up at 4. I've gotten used to it. Would you mind watching her while I take a shower? You know where the cereal is, and the coffee will be ready soon," she called over her shoulder, already walking into her bathroom. She showered quickly, and dressed in sweats. She had figured it would be best to remain comfortable, seeing as her guests wouldn't arrive for another seven hours. When she walked out of her bathroom, towel-drying her hair, she was surprised to see Elliot playing dolls with her daughter.

"Hmm…Elliot, I'd always thought you were more of a coloring type. You never even played dolls with the victims," she laughed.

"Well, Alexandra just crawled over here and handed me a doll. I can't refuse those curls, they're a menace. Then she pulled the baby blue eyes bit, and I caved. She's really her mother's daughter, abusing me like that," Elliot replied, but he said it with a smile.

"That's my girl," Olivia said proudly. "If you want, you can go take a shower now. I need to put up some final decorations and you look terrible."

"Fine, but don't dump out the coffee, it tastes loads better then any I've had before," he warned.

"I won't," she promised, and he stood up and went into the bathroom. She watched Alexandra out of the corner of her eye as she cleaned up her little apartment. A sprig of mistletoe, as a joke, was hung above the entrance, and a few holiday CDs were stacked on top of her stereo. She pulled out some folding chairs and a long table that she had borrowed from her neighbors and set up the dining area. China plates that she had inherited from her mother were now being used for the first time, and nice silver cutlery was arranged carefully around each plate. Olivia had just sat down to have a cup of coffee when Elliot came out of the bathroom, in jeans and a sweater.

"Did you save me some coffee?" he asked immediately.

"Yes, don't worry; I wouldn't throw out your coffee. You'd arrest me," she said sarcastically.

"Exactly," he agreed and poured himself a cup. He sat down next to her at the table, and they both watched her daughter play.

"Let's go get some bagels or something for breakfast," Olivia suggested on impulse. "It'd kill time and we could pick up rolls for dinner while we're there. Alexandra could come too, and we could make an outing of it. My daughter ought to see the city on a snowy morning. What do you think?"

"Sure, why not? Do you have a warm jacket for her?" Elliot asked, standing up and retrieving his own jacket.

"Of course, what kind of mother do you think I am?" she muttered defensively. She collected her coat and her daughter's puffy winter coat from a closet. Silently, she struggled with little shoes for a few minutes with shoes, but when they were on and fastened, she picked up her daughter and motioned for Elliot to follow her.

"Do you know where we're going?" Elliot opened the door and spoke quietly, locking the door behind the mother and child.

"I know the perfect place. Come on," she told him, and he followed her down the stairs and into the streets of New York.

* * *

A bakery on Christmas morning in the city would always be busy, even at five thirty in the morning. Olivia and Elliot were pushed together by the mass of people, and Alexandra was protectively huddled between their bodies. Finally, they made their way to the front, and took a quick look at the selections before choosing.

"Five plain bagels, two blueberry, four poppy-seed, and a chocolate bagel, please," Elliot ordered. The woman at the counter nodded and handed him the bag of food.

"Anything else?" she asked the pair.

"Don't forget the rolls, you didn't bring any over," Olivia muttered.

"Ah, yes, two Italian rolls, please," Elliot added

"Here you are. I hope that you, your wife, and your daughter have a wonderful holiday," the woman told them, and turned to attend to another customer before Olivia could correct her. Elliot was smiling simply, and held onto the bread as they walked back to her apartment.

"Why would that woman think we were married?" she thought aloud.

"Two people, medium-aged, rather good looking, with a small baby, no wonder she thought we were married. That child looks astonishingly like you," he complemented.

"Of course, if you take away the fair skin, blonde hair, curls, blue eyes, you would totally see me," she responded sarcastically.

"Let's just work on getting home and making it through Christmas with four other people coming over, then we'll discuss everything else," he told her soothingly, and she opened the door to her apartment.

* * *

"Hello Captain, Casey. Merry Christmas," Elliot said a few hours later. He opened the door with a smirk on his face, hoping the two wouldn't notice the mistletoe they were about to step under. Unfortunately, Cragen let Casey step through first with her bowl of salad and gifts before coming through with a box of presents and food containers.

"Wow, Captain, I didn't know you were so into the holiday thing," Olivia remarked. Cragen was unloading his food into her small fridge and putting presents underneath the tree. The gifts he was putting there were mostly for Alexandra, but every now and then a tag with the name of a detective or ADA could be seen.

"I feel like I'm supposed to be the grandpa, spoiling everyone. Alexandra didn't open her gifts from Santa Claus yet?" he asked. "I would've thought that that would have been a priority for any child."

"Come on, Don, the kid can't speak yet. Besides, it will be more fun if everyone opens their gifts at the same time," Casey said. She put her little bunch of gifts underneath the tree next to Cragen's and sat down next to Alexandra.

"You guys won't believe what I caught Elliot doing this morning," Olivia said, turning away from the kitchen counter and smirking.

"Elliot, you stayed over here last night?" Cragen asked, his own private smile sneaking onto his face.

"Yeah, I figured Liv might need some help. Christmases with Kathy when the kids were younger were always chaotic. Anyway, what she caught me at was really nothing…" he muttered, but sighed because he knew she would spill anyways.

"Come on, Olivia, tell us!" Casey encouraged.

"Well, I was in the shower and he was playing with Alexandra. I thought he might play peek-a-boo or something, but instead I come out and he's playing dolls with my daughter!" she exclaims.

"Really, Elliot, I'm shocked," Casey gasped, snickering into a cup of wine. Cragen was snickering too, and that was when the buzzer rang.

"That must be Munch and Fin. Elliot, can you answer it? If I leave the ham now, all we'll have to eat tonight is soup, bread, salad, and mashed potatoes, and I don't trust the cooking of any cop or lawyer. No offense," Olivia added. Elliot rose immediately and opened the door, not noticing the interested looks of their boss and the ADA. Munch walked in, holding a menorah, presents, and a few containers.

"I figured I would bring the dessert, so here are some cookies and a chocolate cake," he informed the group, then put the menorah in a window next to the Christmas tree.

"Hey, I brought chips and I even picked up some vegetable thing from the market. I think it's got dip. Casey, you know what it is?" Fin asked, walking in behind Munch.

"Well, Detective, your keen eye noticed assorted vegetables with ranch dip. Nice work," Casey replied, picking up the package that he had dumped on the counter.

"Cool," he muttered. Alexandra crawled over to Munch and Fin, waving her arms and smiling up at them. Munch picked her up and took her to the menorah.

"Here, darling, can you say 'menorah'? Men-or-ah…" he encouraged, dragging out the syllables of the word.

"Please, John, she won't be talking for another five months," Olivia called.

"It's never too early, you know. You didn't let the kid open her presents yet?" John sounded shocked and Elliot came back into the room to explain.

"Alexandra's only about seven months old, she can't tell that today is an important day. She sees everyone here on a daily basis, but now that everyone's here perhaps we can all open our presents," Elliot suggested, and the group nodded. Presents were handed out, and it was decided that Olivia would open Alexandra's gifts after everyone else had opened their own.

"Thanks, Casey, the perfume smells so good," Olivia told her friend.

"Elliot, this book is perfect!" Munch called, reading the back cover of a conspiracy book.

"Captain, you're joking, right?" Elliot asked, looking at a little journal. He opened it and laughed, inside Cragen had written notes and funny sayings about and from the whole squad.

"Nope, not really, Elliot. Thanks, Casey, this is wonderful," Cragen laughed. The ADA had bought him a bullhorn, and he looked at it.

"Casey, why'd you do that?" All of the detectives groaned and Elliot handed Olivia a little package.

"Open it," he encouraged. Olivia did so, slowly ripping the paper. Inside was a china ornament. It was a mother from the waist up, cradling a baby that looked exactly like Alexandra. Olivia bit her lip and looked up at him from her position on the floor.

"Elliot, it's beautiful," she whispered. "I've got something for you, too." She handed him a little box, wrapped in blue paper. He took it and ripped the paper down the middle, dumping the contents onto his lap. Inside was a picture frame, sectioned off into four parts. Olivia had filled in the spaces with pictures in three of them, and Elliot smiled as he looked at each one. There was a picture of his four kids, all laughing at the camera. Then there was the squad, he recognized that the picture had been taken at the NYPD Ball. The picture on the bottom was of Olivia and Alexandra, taken in the days after Olivia had discovered her.

"Why did you leave one blank?" he asked quietly.

"That picture should be decided by you, when you feel the time is right," she clarified.

"Has everyone opened all their gifts?" Cragen asked, snapping the two back to the party. Elliot and Cragen exchanged private looks as the whole group nodded.

"Now, before we open Alexandra's gifts, we have three group gifts we would like to give to you, Liv. Casey, would you do the honors of giving her the first gift?" Cragen asked. Casey nodded and stood up, holding a thin package in her hands.


	5. Most Important Presents

**A/N-You might hate me for this chapter. Just stick with me and I promise things will get better. This is my first fanfic, okay?**

**Disclaimer-I don't own them. Duh!**

**Pretty Please?-Reviews. I love them. They encourage me to find the next chapter on my computer and take the time needed to upload it. If you don't review, I don't update. Simple as that.**

**Summary-One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O...**

Chapter Four-Most Important Presents

"Liv, you found a beautiful baby girl on your doorstep a few weeks ago. Her biological mother had given up on her and gave her away to you. You never once thought about giving the child to Children's Services, or finding her biological mother. You did the best thing for the child, and took her in. Now you have a beautiful little girl living with you, and you're feeling all the wonderful thoughts of motherhood. Now we are going to make it real," Casey announced, and handed Olivia the package. She unwrapped it and found Alexandra's adoption papers in a frame. "Liv, take out the papers and sign to motherhood. You are going to be spectacular at it." Olivia nodded and accepted a pen that was held out to her. She undid the back of the frame and looked at the adoption papers. It felt so real, so important, and without delay she signed her name. Everyone clapped and Olivia hugged her new, for-real, lifetime daughter.

"Thank you so much, Casey. I don't think I ever would have kept my daughter without your help," Olivia said.

"You're more then welcome. If I ever hear 'Aunt Casey' I'll know it's from you, though. Don, would you like to give Olivia her next gift?" Casey looked at the captain of this group, and smiled at the mere thought of the next present.

"Well, Olivia, you came into my life nine years ago. You seemed so intent on making everything right with this city. You've hunted down perps, aided victims, and tonight you welcomed a child into your family. You've done so much for everyone, and you never let it on that sometimes you were worried. I've watched you, Liv. I've seen you struggle with cases that match your past. I've seen you fight like mad for children to get a better life, trying to give them something you never really had. You grew on me, and I came to look out for you like every member of the squad. We're all overprotective when it comes to you, and we all care about your future. We all want to be a part of your daughter's life, just as we have been a part of yours. Now I am asking you something that will hopefully change your life just as you've changed this little girl's. Open this," Cragen told her, and handed her another package similar to the one she had just opened. She unwrapped it and realized she was looking at another set of adoption papers.

"Olivia Benson, I would very much like it if you would consent to be my daughter," Cragen said quietly. Olivia nodded slowly and hugged him. "On your birth certificate, the space for 'father' was left empty. May I fill it?" he asked her, looking at him. She nodded again and whispered something that only he could hear.

"You already have, Capta--Dad," she corrected herself. Cragen hugged her and she cried softly.

"Elliot requested that he give you your final major gift, Olivia. Would you like us to wait a moment or are you ok to accept it now?" Cragen had a new look, fatherly concern on his face, and Olivia wiped her eyes hurriedly.

"I'm fine, I promise," she told him.

"Well, Olivia. Take a look around you for a moment. You live in a little apartment in Manhattan, with three rooms to live in. You are surrounded by family right now, and we're a tight squeeze. Your apartment lacks some of the things necessary for family, especially your daughter. This is from all of us, Liv," he told her, and handed her a little box. She opened it and found herself staring at two identical keys. "The keys are to a new apartment, closer to work, closer to family, and it has room for everything. Your daughter can have her own room, and you can live in apartment suitable for a child. Even better, you actually will have a little guestroom for overnight visitors, instead of a couch," he joked. Olivia looked at the keys and around at her little apartment. It had been her place of residence for years, and now she realized that the group was right. It was no place for a child to grow.

"Thank you all, so much. I'll check out the apartment tomorrow. I'll move in and accept this huge gift on one occasion. You all are going to be family to my daughter. She needs to have a Grandpa Don, Cousin/Aunt Casey, Uncle John, and Uncle Fin. When our jobs and our personal lives permit it, I want you to be there for my daughter. I grew up with just a mom to look after me. I didn't have a grandpa who could teach me how to command a group of people with respective authority. I didn't have an uncle to teach me about the conspiracies of the world, and I didn't have a street-savvy uncle to watch out for me. I didn't have an aunt/cousin who could teach me how to bat, or how to effectively argue for what I want. Everyone here knows I didn't have a father-type figure at all, and I want to make sure that whatever happens, you'll all be family to me and my daughter. Can you do that for me, after all you've done?" Olivia asked.

"We definitely will, Liv," the group answered, each of their voices blending with the rest. Olivia nodded happily and looked at Cragen.

"Will you help me open your granddaughter's gifts? There is simply to many for me to open on one day," she asked him. Cragen nodded slowly and took his granddaughter into his lap.

"Come on, dearest. You've got lots of presents to look at," he told her, and she clapped her little fists with a smile.

* * *

"I think I drank entirely too much wine," Casey groaned, walking out of the apartment.

"Don't worry, we'll help her into a cab and make sure she goes to her own apartment," Munch promised, and he and Fin waved goodbye while guiding Casey out of the door.

"Goodbye, Olivia," Cragen said, kissing his new daughter on the forehead. He picked up his granddaughter and swung her in a circle once before kissing her head and putting her down. "Goodbye, dearest," he whispered to the little girl. Elliot walked over and shook his boss's hand.

"Take care of them, ok? I'll see you the day after tomorrow, I'm helping Liv move to her new apartment. Goodbye, Elliot," Cragen told him, and put on his hat. He walked down the hallway as Elliot closed the door, carrying Alexandra back inside. Olivia set to work on cleaning the dishes, and turned around to see her daughter yawn in Elliot's arms.

"Can you help me put her down? Poor thing is tired from all the excitement," Olivia noted.

"Sure. Come on, baby girl, time for bed!" Elliot told the little girl. Olivia put down the plate she had been scrubbing and followed Elliot into her bedroom. Together they helped change her into a new pair of pajamas, courtesy of Olivia's new father, and tucked the little girl into bed. They whispered goodnights to Alexandra and slowly shut the door.

"I think that was the best Christmas I've ever had," Olivia whispered.

"It should be. Here, I'll help clean up," Elliot offered, and he washed the dishes as she washed them. Soon they were done, so she began wiping off the table as he folded the chairs and stacked them by the door. Not long after that, the apartment began to resemble what it had looked like before the holiday.

"Would you like to stay and watch a movie?" Olivia asked, sitting down on her couch.

"Of course," Elliot replied. He sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Olivia soon drifted off into a light sleep, resting her head against his shoulder. He couldn't disturb the sleeping woman, so he allowed himself to fall asleep as well.

* * *

Olivia woke with a start to Alexandra's cries. She rose immediately and noticed that both she and Elliot were in the same clothes as they had been yesterday. She must have fallen asleep watching TV and Elliot hadn't moved. He really was being a great help in everything. She bathed her daughter, dressed her, and then changed herself, into slacks and a sweater. She had just put on the coffeepot when Elliot began to stir.

"What am I doing here?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"We fell asleep on the couch. You can go into my room and sleep a little more, it must be deathly early in the morning for you. Go ahead, I've got things covered," she encouraged, but he was already standing up and sifting through his overnight bag.

"No thanks, I'm up now. Do you want me to leave and come back later? We need to check out your apartment today. I can give you some alone time, if you want," he offered, but Olivia shook her head.

"I don't mind you staying here. Do you have another change of clothes?" she asked.

"Yes, I always keep two whenever I travel. I've gotten stuck at enough airports and train stations not to forget." He laughed and disappeared into the bathroom. Olivia turned on the early-morning news and ate a left-over bagel, sipping at her coffee. Soon Elliot reappeared and helped himself to the coffee, breathing in it's scent deeply. She smiled as she watched him forage for a bagel, as he was remembering where the butter was in the fridge and where the plastic plates could be found. She found herself wishing he wouldn't go, but knew that the time would come eventually. The hours passed quickly, because they played games with Alexandra and watched the TV with mild interest.

"Liv, I think that we can go see the apartment now. Want to go?" Elliot stood up and grabbed his coat and overnight bag.

"Sure, let's go. Then I can come back here and start to pack. My dad is coming over tomorrow to help me move. Weird, I now have a dad…" Olivia let her voice trail off into nothing as she was lost herself in thought. She didn't speak a word as she coaxed Alexandra, today dressed in a little pink onesie, into a coat and shoes. Elliot held the door for her and for the shortest of moments they were both underneath the mistletoe.

"Umm…Liv, you never forgot to take down the mistletoe, and well, now…" Elliot felt himself growing red in the face and stopped speaking. Olivia kissed him on the cheek, barely touching the corner of his mouth before stepping out of the apartment.

"Where's the apartment?" she asked, pretending that the little kiss hadn't happened.

* * *

"Elliot, this place is wonderful. How did you find it?" Olivia breathed, looking around at what would become her new home. There was an actual hallway inside the apartment, leading to three bedrooms and two baths. There was a sectioned-off dining room, and the kitchen was closed into a room completely separated from everything else. Best of all, there was a huge living room that had enough space to include all of Alexandra's toys as well as a normal-sized couch, coffee table, and perhaps an armchair. Olivia smiled at the mere thought of going furniture shopping, something she hadn't done in ages.

"You know, just looking around. Munch came with me the day we found this one. The neighbors aren't bad either. One of the apartments we looked at had an elderly couple that blasted disco music the entire time we were there. Another one had a group of about ten children clustered into the apartment across the hall. They were constantly fighting and Munch and I think we heard at least three things shatter during our visit. This was by far the best. The building manager said that the previous owner had a double-bed that they wanted to sell cheap, so I need to go pick it up if you want this place." Elliot looked pleased with himself at making Olivia so happy, and she nodded quickly.

"Of course I want this place. It's perfect, thank you Elliot," she said, hugging him for a moment then turning to leave.

"Ok then, it's settled. Do you need any help packing? I could stop by after I change and bring a pizza or something."

"That would be a big help, actually. Thank you so much for everything. Do you want to hold Alexandra?" she offered shyly. Elliot was always nice to her daughter, acting like he was her father.

"Of course, she's adorable. Come here, baby girl, I'll walk you home," he told the little girl, and he did.

* * *

"Pizza's here!" Elliot announced, walking into Olivia's apartment an hour later. He put the warm box on the counter and looked around the room. Boxes were stacked throughout the main area. Some were half-filled, others already taped shut. One box just happened to have Alexandra in it, too.

"Wonderful. We can take a break and eat and then get back to work. I've been sorting through things ever since you dropped us off. Where'd my silly daughter get to?" Olivia asked, pretending not to notice her in the box. She crept up behind Alexandra and laughed when the child burst into squealing laughter because she had tickled her. She served the pizza on paper plates and handed Alexandra a bottle before she noticed the overnight bag now sitting in the corner.

"Were you planning on staying tonight again, Elliot?" she asked, smiling slightly.

"I, um…I wasn't sure if you uh…needed help or whatever, I mean…I don't mind staying…" he began, but Olivia cut in.

"It was a joke, Elliot. I wouldn't mind at all if you stayed. Can you stay?" Olivia wore a serious expression on her face now.

"I'll stay, Liv, but I was planning on getting your couch out of here tonight," Elliot replied, hoping she would know what he was thinking.

"I don't mind if you sleep on my bed again if you don't. I thought we were both adult enough to get past that sort of thing," she said, and the discussion of that topic closed.

* * *

Olivia pulled the pizza box towards her. She, Elliot, and Alexandra were sitting on the floor of her apartment, listening to Christmas music on the radio while eating. The adults were eating pizza, and the little girl was happily nestled between them, drinking a bottle.

"Thanks so much for everything, Elliot," Olivia muttered.

"Don't be thanking me just yet, we haven't finished packing," he replied, an easy smile coming to his face. They finished eating in a comfortable silence, than went back to packing up her apartment.

* * *

"I'm so glad that's over and done with," Olivia groaned, sitting down on the floor. "I never realized I had so much stuff nestled away in my apartment. I still think I have too little, though…"

"I just remembered something, Liv. What about Alexandra? You helped me take apart and box up her crib hours ago. We left out some clothes and diapers and stuff, but she doesn't have anywhere to sleep," Elliot said. Olivia muttered a few obscenities under her breath before sitting upright again.

"She'll squeeze in with us. Problem solved," Olivia said confidently.

"I feel bad, Liv. I'll go home and meet up with you tomorrow," he started, but she waved his words away.

"No, Elliot. I'd like someone here tonight, this doesn't feel like my apartment anymore. Please," she asked, and he caved, again.

"Fine, but if it gets uncomfortable, I'm sleeping on the floor."

"Of course, Elliot," Olivia agreed, knowing that he probably wouldn't. "I'll get changed in the bathroom, and then I'll change Alexandra." She picked up her child and a bundle of clothes, walking into the bathroom. Elliot changed into a tank top and shorts and climbed onto the bed, careful to not disturb the rest of the sheets. Olivia walked out a few minutes later, carrying her daughter on her hips and wearing a simple tank top and shorts. She placed the child in-between herself and her partner and kissed her goodnight. Elliot murmured a small goodnight to Olivia and kissed the baby on the top of the head before rolling over and falling asleep. Olivia sat awake for nearly an hour, trying to wish away the emotions pounding her head.


	6. Advice, Acknowledgement, an Apartment

**A/N-Here's where we first really get into the E/O relationship I've been hinting at. I love all the reviews I've been getting, the encouragement and compliments are so rewarding. Thank you all so much, and please, keep reviewing! As a special treat, I may just update when I come back from my classes tonight. Think about it. Two chapters, one day, and a E/O relationship that's picking up pace? C'mon, you know you want to read more. Just review lots, and it'll happen. I've got another few chapters saved onto my computer, and then it'll go back to "write some, edit lots, write more, upload."**

**Disclaimer-I don't own them. Duh!**

**Pretty Please?-Reviews. I love them. They encourage me to find the next chapter on my computer and take the time needed to upload it. If you don't review, I don't update. Simple as that.**

**Summary-One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O...**

* * *

Chapter Five-Advice, Acknowledgement and an Apartment

"Elliot, wake up," Olivia whispered. It was nearly five in the morning, and she had already fed, bathed, and dressed her little daughter.

"What?" he grumbled, rolling over and sitting up in bed.

"Cragen just called. He'll be here in about forty-five minutes to help me finish up here and move my furniture. He's borrowing the big van from the precinct so we don't need to rent a truck."

"Ok, I'm going to go take a shower. Do you need help with anything before I disappear again?"

"No thanks. I've dealt with a child alone in the mornings before." Elliot nodded and walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower within a few minutes.

Elliot, Olivia, and Alexandra had just finished up breakfast when a buzzer rang in the apartment. The two police officers, every wary of perps, slid a hand towards their guns. Olivia went to the little speaker by the door.

"Who is it?" she asked, pressing down on a button.

"It's your father, Liv. Buzz me up!" Cragen's voice came from the speaker and Olivia hit another button. A few minutes later Don Cragen was standing in her apartment, hugging his grandchild and handing her a little teddy bear.

"Thanks for coming," Olivia said gratefully.

"It's nothing. Do you still need to pack anything up?" Cragen took a look around the apartment, noting all the boxes.

"No, I think we're ok. I'm leaving my mattress behind for the next tenant. Where's the van?" Olivia picked up her daughter and looked at Cragen and Elliot.

"It's parked by the entrance. I told the building manager who we were and what we were doing. After I showed him my badge, he pretty much let me do whatever. Elliot, would you help me with the bigger boxes and furniture first? Olivia can bring down some of the smaller boxes while holding Alexandra and then we can take turns babysitting."

"Honestly, I don't have many things. This shouldn't take too long." Olivia hugged her daughter close on her hip and grabbed a small bag.

It only took about two hours for everything to be brought down and shoved into the back of the police van. Olivia had been right, she really didn't have many possessions. Once the last of the boxes was tucked away, Cragen shut the door and looked at his two detectives.

"Elliot, you know where the apartment is. Can you drive the van? I'll walk with Olivia and Alexandra."

"Sure, Captain. See you soon," Elliot said and climbed into the driver's seat. The van started and he pulled away from the curb and drove away, leaving Olivia with her father and daughter. The group started walking, with Alexandra happily giggling on her mother's hip.

"She's beautiful, Liv," Cragen said, smiling down at his granddaughter.

"Thanks. I'm guessing that's not the reason why you wanted Elliot to drive to the apartment and not me, though. What's on your mind?"

"You can't stop being a detective, can you?" Cragen asked, and Olivia nodded and laughed.

"No, it's my nature. What did you want to talk to me about that Elliot couldn't hear?"

"I was just wondering how things were going between you. You've been spending a lot of time with him these past few weeks." Cragen stopped on the sidewalk and looked at Olivia, who was hugging her child close to keep her away from the cold.

"He was the one I called right away after I found Alexandra. He has four great kids and I knew he would have a plan. He's been really wonderful to the both of us. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. I'm glad that he's helping you with this," Cragen said, walking once more.

"Me too, Dad, me too," she agreed, adding the name she had never really quite used before.

* * *

"I never thought the boxes would end!" Olivia exclaimed, falling backwards onto her couch, which was now sitting in the corner of the living room. Alexandra was happily playing with a teddy bear, Elliot was trying to put together the crib, and Cragen was trying to order Chinese food over the phone. After a few heated words Cragen hung up and sat down next to his daughter. 

"What's Elliot trying to do?" Cragen asked.

"I think he's trying to put together Alexandra's crib. It doesn't sound like it's working," Olivia replied, laughing.

"The food will be here soon, Liv. Perhaps I ought to be going."

"No, please stay. Elliot's staying and I can always use some help unpacking." Olivia looked around her new apartment, at all the boxes stacked up in the apartment.

"Ok, Liv. I'm going to go help Elliot build the crib and move the bed-frame from the building manager's place."

"Thanks. I'll get started out here."

Olivia set up a little playpen for Alexandra and dumped a few toys inside. While her child entertained herself, she set about folding away her linens and setting up toys in the baby's room. The crib had finally been assembled properly, and Elliot helped Olivia put toys in the closet. Soon everything was set up except for Olivia's personal things, and by that time the Chinese food had arrived.

"To Olivia's new apartment," Elliot muttered, raising his bottle of beer in a toast.

"Cheers," Cragen agreed.

"Thanks so much for your help, guys. I really appreciate it. Cheers." Olivia tapped bottles with her best friend and her father and dug into her meal. Everyone chatted and soon the take-out boxes were empty, thrown in the trash. Cragen stood by the door, his jacket in his arms, bidding goodnight.

"Elliot, don't keep our girls up too late tonight. I'll see you both at work tomorrow morning. Remember, we have a half-day because it's New Years."

"Goodnight, Captain," Elliot said, shaking his hand. "I'll be leaving soon."

"Goodnight, Dad. Thank you so much for all your help today." Olivia kissed Cragen on the cheek and he left the apartment.

"Elliot, do you mind watching Alexandra while I sort through some of my things in here? She's rather fond of you, and I can get some things done without worrying about her." Olivia stood in the little hallway of her apartment, hesitating for a moment to wait for his answer.

"Sure, I don't mind at all. Come here, baby girl, let's see what toys you got for Christmas," Elliot told the little girl, picking her up and tickling her all the way into the little girl's room.

Olivia busied herself with folding and putting away work clothes, her fancy dress from the ball, and general things she always kept in her bedroom. A collection of make-up that sat on the dresser was sorted and brought to her bathroom, and after only about an hour of working she was satisfied with the outcome. She had never really been great with the whole domestic organization bit, and she knew where to find her things now. That's all she really needed.

"Thanks so much, Elliot," she began, walking out to the living room. Elliot was asleep on the couch, her daughter snoring softly in his arms. The entire scene was picturesque, like something out of a storybook. She smiled softly and slowly pried her daughter out of her partner's arms and threw a blanket over him. Alexandra was quickly bathed, changed, and tucked in, and Olivia was the last to fall asleep, wondering if this was how it would be like forever.

* * *

"Elliot, you need to wake up now," Olivia whispered, gently shaking his broad shoulders. 

"Liv…Olivia? Where am I? What happened?" Elliot rubbed his eyes and rested his upper body on his elbows, taking a precautious look around the apartment.

"You fell asleep watching Alexandra. I let you sleep there. It's morning now, though, and we need to get to work soon. Want a cup of coffee?" She held out a steaming mug of coffee and he gratefully accepted it, drinking it quietly.

"Thanks, Liv. I'm just going to change and head into work now. You need anything before I go?"

"I don't think so, but thanks. I was wondering if you wanted to come over for New Years, actually. Casey and Cragen are coming, and I was going to talk to Munch and Fin today," Olivia explained. She put her daughter in a high-chair and sat on the arm of her couch, watching her partner process her offer.

"Sure. I'll be over at about eight tonight, then?" Elliot smiled at the thought of spending another holiday with his closest friends.

"Sounds good. See you at work, Elliot." Elliot nodded and picked up his coat. With a final wave to the mother and daughter, he left the apartment and made his way to the precinct, feet freezing in the snow. While he was sitting alone at his desk, Olivia dressed herself and her daughter, packed the daily bag of diapers and food, and stepped out into the snow. She walked into work an hour later, and immediately became Benson the cop, no longer Olivia the mother.

* * *

"Elliot, my office, now," Cragen called, poking his head out the door. 

"Coming, Captain," Elliot replied, standing up and shooting a nervous glance at Olivia. She shrugged and returned to her task of typing a report, leaving him to face their boss and her father.

"What do you need, Captain?" Elliot stood at the front of Cragen's desk, shoulders squared and arms crossed in a classic military position.

"I wanted to check up on Olivia and Alexandra. You spend a lot of time with them, Elliot."

"I know, Captain. Olivia's having it a bit rough, suddenly becoming a single mother on top of being a cop. The lifestyle change is a big one."

"Elliot, I'm glad that you are there for Olivia right now. I'm glad that she trusted you enough and followed her instincts by calling you that night. I'm glad that she trusts you with her daughter. I'm worried a little bit about you, though." Cragen looked at his detective, the one with too much anger, too much passion, and too little love in his life.

"I don't understand," Elliot lied. He knew exactly what Cragen was talking about, and he didn't want to hear it from him. From anyone, even. It wasn't something he thought Olivia could handle, and he thought perhaps taking it slow was the best. He didn't want to ruin what they already had for something that might not ever be.

"Yes, you do. I'm telling you that you ought to seek a little happiness in your life now. I won't discourage the relationship you two have or should have. Don't act like I can't know what goes on in my own squad, Detective. I know more then what you all give me credit for. I want you to act on your feelings for once, instead of your anger or what you think are your responsibilities. Work at this one, Elliot. And don't intentionally hurt her. I know you would never want any harm to come to her, and I will be observing to make sure that does not happen. She's my daughter, she always has been. Don't mess this up, it would be a great thing for both of you." Cragen watched his detective squirm, dealing with the emotional blow he had just dealt out.

"Are you giving me relationship advice?" Elliot asked, after a long moment.

"Get out of my office, Stabler. I'll see you at Olivia's tonight."

* * *

As Elliot was being counseled by their captain, Olivia had decided to introduce the idea of spending New Years at her apartment.

"Hey, guys, what are you doing tonight?" she asked, shutting off the computer monitor and turning to the other set of detectives in the squad. Both shrugged and looked at their coworker and friend, sensing this was beyond the realm of work and cases.

"Why do you ask?" Munch finally replied.

"Cragen, Casey, and Elliot are coming over to my new apartment for New Years. You guys should come over, too. Alexandra will fall asleep at about ten-thirty, and then we can have a little adult party. I've already got champagne, beer, and food."

"I'm in," Fin said.

"Me, too," Munch added, and that was when Elliot walked out of Captain Cragen's office.

"What was that about?" Fin asked, watching him sit down and stare furiously at the computer screen.

"Nothing," Elliot retorted gruffly, and they all went back to work in silence.

* * *

Olivia was rocking her baby softly at around quarter to nine when Elliot walked in, holding liquors and a box, with the familiar duffle bag slung around his shoulder. 

"Happy New Years," Olivia said.

"Happy New Years, Liv. How's Alexandra doing?" Elliot set the box and bottles down on the counter, walked over to the pair, and kissed the little girl softly on the top of her head.

"It looks like tonight might be an early night for this one. I don't think she napped today, so she'll go down soon." She kissed the baby softly and smiled, her brown eyes showing all the strain of being a mother mixed in with all of the joys. Sure enough, after a little light conversation between the two detectives Olivia looked down and smiled.

"Can you help me put her down? If she's really asleep she won't wake up for anything now." She carried her daughter to the little bedroom and gently laid the tiny child in the crib. Elliot bent down, whispered a goodnight, and kissed her. Olivia did the same. At nine, they were both happily sitting on the couch in front of the television, beers in hand and a comfortable blanket of silence cloaking the apartment. Elliot broke it first.

"What time is everyone else getting here?"

"No later then nine-thirty. They'll be here soon." She wiped her bangs away from her eyes and tugged at her hair, tied up off her face.

She, Olivia Benson the cop, was actually rather nervous, nervous about being alone in an apartment with her partner. Forget rules, forget the daily horrors they see, and a person could easily see this as a date. It could be a date, until their boss and coworkers arrived. Deep inside, she knew that she wanted to say something, anything really, to tell him what was on her mind. It would never happen, though. Rules would never allow it. One of them would have to give up the job that has kept them functioning for years, and she wasn't sure that either of them would be willing to make such a sacrifice. It didn't matter that she dreamed of him at night, that she secretly looked forward to hearing his voice in her apartment, and that she was getting used to his body next to hers at night. Mentally she scolded herself for the mere thought. It would never work, so why waste hopes on something that couldn't come true?

Elliot could sense that she was nervous. In truth, he was too. He was worried about what Captain Cragen had told him in his office that morning. He was worried about what would happen if he came onto Olivia and she didn't want him like that. It would ruin their partnership. He wouldn't be able to handle it…

* * *

"So, what did Cragen want with you at work today?" Olivia asked. 

"He thought that he had some advice worth giving to me, so I listened. It wasn't much, but I may just heed his words one day…" Elliot laughed it off and she watched his face change. His emotions went unguarded for perhaps a moment too long and she saw an unrecognizable emotion flicker on his face. It wasn't hate, sorrow, and definitely not the classic 'unStable Stabler' look. She couldn't tell what it was, so she let it slide.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door, shattering their worries and fears. Olivia stood up and answered the door, ushering the rest of SVU into her new apartment.

"Nice place," Casey said.

"Thanks. Elliot and Munch found it. You didn't see it before it was given to me on Christmas?" Olivia asked.

"No, all they told me was that they were buying you an apartment."

"Liv, where's Alexandra?" Cragen inquired, noting the absence of the child.

"Poor baby went to sleep an hour ago, Elliot and I put her down."

* * *

It was a nice little gathering, a good time for each person present to shake off the cop routine and be a human being with their friends. At around eleven o'clock, while the men were busy watching the television and drinking beers, Casey pulled Olivia into the kitchen and shut the door behind her. 

"What's up?" Olivia asked, oblivious.

"I was wondering how you were doing, Liv. We all are." Casey watched her friend curiously, wondering if it had dawned on her yet that she was ignoring possibly the most important thing in her life besides her daughter.

"I'm fine. Being a mother is fun, once you learn to ignore the cries and constant worries. Why do you ask?" Olivia looked generally confused, so Casey decided to offer advice, much like Cragen had to Elliot.

"Look, you're a great cop and mother. I may not be the best person to be asking you this, but," Casey began.

"But…what?" Olivia's voice was filled with her fears and anger.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you aren't in love with your partner, Olivia. Try to tell such a big lie," Casey challenged, and Olivia's face dropped.

"I'm not in love with him," she said quietly.

"Why can't you be honest with yourself?"

"I am being honest! I'm not in love with Elliot," she repeated and under her breath added "I can't be."

"Why not?" Casey asked, hearing her words. "Why can't you love him?"

"I'm unlovable, Case. I do my job and that's okay with me. I don't do relationships, and people don't love me," she whispered, and Casey resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"That's bull, Liv, and you know it. You love somebody already in your life, in fact, I can think of at least five people you ought to love by now. You love your daughter, and she'll always love you. Munch and Fin, Cragen and I, we all love you too. As for Elliot, well, if you haven't noticed anything by now you're seriously confused. You can love him," Casey emphasized. "Try and tell me again that you don't."

"I…I can't," she admitted. "Oh, god…I'm in love with my partner. My partner, Casey! I can't be doing this, this can't be happening! Oh, god…" Olivia's voice faltered and Casey instantly hugged her.

"It's okay, Liv, shh…it's okay. Are you so blind that you can't see he's obviously in love with you, too? You and Elliot need to have a talk. Make him stay tonight. Make him talk to you. Make him listen for once in his life."

"He was already planning on staying, I think. He was worried about going home drunk…" Olivia sat down on the floor of her new apartment, crying without making a sound for a few more minutes. Eventually she dried her face and laughed sadly.

"Nothing is ever going to be the same from now on, will it?" Casey smiled at her friend's bravery and shook her head. Together, they walked back into her living room, where the men were too preoccupied to notice anything was wrong. Casey exchanged a small nod with Cragen, who nodded back with a knowing look in his eyes. Both were thinking about the destruction they were doing on two of the best cops in New York while playing matchmaker to the two people who couldn't possibly be more perfect to each other. The thoughts were unnerving.


	7. Something Different

**A/N-Okay, here's the idea I had while sitting a science exam. I'm gonna post a number, and that is number of reviews I have to get before I update again. I like compliments, suggestions, even a tiny bit of criticism if there is something you think I can improve on. So...at last check there was 52 reviews. I'll make this first one pretty simple. Eight reviews. Bring me up to the lovely number 60 and I'll post the next chapter. **

**Disclaimer-I don't own them. Duh!**

**Pretty Please?-Reviews. I love them. They encourage me to find the next chapter on my computer and take the time needed to upload it. If you don't review, I don't update. Simple as that.**

**Summary-One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O...**

* * *

Chapter Six-Something Different 

"Hold your loved one close! There is one minute until the new year!" Dick Clark's voice blared from the television amidst the cheers of hundreds upon hundreds of spectators.

Olivia sat on the couch stiffly, suspiciously glaring at Casey and her father. Cragen had his arm around her shoulder in a comfortable, fatherly way and she willingly nestled into the arms of the older man. Comfort and a bottle were the only things she wanted now.

The seconds counted down on the screen.

Ten.

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two…

"Happy New Year!" The voices on the screen echoed in the apartment and everyone inside cheered and drank.

"Happy New Years, Liv," Cragen whispered, kissing her softly on the top of the head.

"Happy New Years, everyone," she replied, looking at the room in general.

* * *

All in all, it was a rather quiet welcome. Not long after the ball had dropped in Times Square did everyone start getting ready to go.

"I think Casey's drunk again," Fin noted, watching their ADA massage her temples and glare at the detective.

"I've drank more in the past week then I have in the past six months. I can't keep partying with you, you sorry bunch of detectives. I can't handle the alcohol consumption rate. Who wants to help me hail a cab?" Cragen smiled and steered her towards the door.

"I'll make sure she gets home without losing it. Goodnight, Liv. Happy New Year," he told his daughter, kissing her once more, this time on the cheek. "Talk to him," he whispered. Olivia nodded slowly and stood at the doorway as her friends made their way down the hall. She gave a helpless sort of wave and turned her attention back to the inside of the apartment, where Elliot was already beginning to clean up.

"You don't need to help me," she informed him, bending down beside him to pick up the bottles stashed in the corner.

"I want to. I hardly drank anything tonight, I feel fine." Lies…let the lies begin. He really hadn't drunk much, but he felt anything but fine. He was perilously close to losing all control over his emotions. He studied her silently for a few moments, watching her mechanically pick up the remnants of the party and discard them without second thought. Something was wrong, he knew it. He couldn't work with her for almost a decade, be in love with her for almost as long, and still not be able to tell when she was upset.

"Olivia…what's wrong?" Elliot asked, knowing that he was walking on thin ground when it came to asking his partner and best friend this question.

"Why would you think something's wrong?" she shot back, her voice cracking over the words. She leaned against the wall of her living room, finished with the cleanup.

"You've been acting differently tonight, that's all," he shrugged. "I noticed that Casey pulled you aside for a moment earlier. What did you two talk about?" Genuine concern was on his face. He was slowly coming closer to her, trying to figure out what was going on. She pressed herself against the wall, wishing that she could melt through and hide from this, one of her biggest fears. Tonight, whether she wanted to or not, something would happen.

"Na—nothing." Olivia felt a tear slide down her face and she moved to wipe it away. Elliot's hand was already on her cheek with his thumb gliding over the salty liquid before she could even react. He left his hand on her skin for a moment too long, but finally put his palms against the wall beside her shoulders. He had her pinned there, both mentally and physically, with his blue eyes looking into the depths of her brown ones. Without opening her mouth and saying a single word, she begged him to let the matter drop.

"What has gotten you so upset?" he asked, and she visibly squirmed in his gaze.

"I told you, nothing! Let me go…" Olivia hated those words. However she said them, whoever she was with, it always sounded so final. So…unforgiving. And in this case, so heartbreaking because she never wanted him to leave her. As much as she had hated to admit it, she liked where they were now, liked that he cared enough to push for information. It was a loving gesture.

"I'm not letting you go, Olivia. I won't ever let you go." Elliot refused to let her look away, trying to tell her in every possible way that he wouldn't be leaving. Subtly, he moved his right palm from its location next to her shoulder towards her face.

She couldn't move even if she had wanted to. She opened her mouth and closed it several times, looking for words that she wouldn't have been able to say. Instead, she focused on simply looking at him, trying to convey her love and frustration for what was happening, her different needs.

He should've chosen to walk away then. Perhaps that would've been better. Instead he chose the only action possible for the scenario at hand.

His lips crashed against hers in a single moment. She inwardly gasped and let herself be kissed by her partner, no longer trying to move away from him. He was breathing heavily and finally allowing himself to do the one thing he had longed to do for so long.

He ended it quickly, pulling away and staring at her for a few minutes before going and sitting down on her couch with his head in his hands. This would always be the worst part. The part that came after, the reliving, evaluating, and reconsidering, it would ruin them. He knew it.

"Elliot…" she whispered, sitting next to him. Slowly she wiped a tear away from her face and tried to look him in the eye.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, turning to face her and replacing her hand with his. His thumb and forefinger stroked her cheek slowly, both of them melting in that little contact.

"I've wanted to do that, wanted you to do that, for so long," she replied, tears now streaming down her face. "Don't ever leave me, Elliot. Don't you dare ever leave me." She couldn't look him in the eye. She didn't want to face him.

"I won't leave you, I promise I won't leave you," he told her, kissing her quickly then holding her close. She allowed the tears to fall freely, wondering if they were tears of misery or joy.

* * *

"Casey told me, you know. She told me that I needed to make you stay, make you listen. Do you think we can talk, than go to sleep?" Olivia asked, handing him a late-night cup of coffee and looking at him. She didn't know what to label him now. He was her partner and best friend, but that kiss…

"I agree, we need to talk. Cragen told me basically the same thing. He told me that he wanted me to go for you, go for this. He said we'd be good together." Elliot watched her, a little bit unsure about what he was supposed to do.

"Cragen talked to you about it? What did he say?"

"He told me to work at this one, to not harm you and that as long as we kept it out of work we should be okay, at least for a little while. Are you sure you want this?" he asked, putting down his coffee cup and focusing completely on her.

"I've known you for the better part of the last decade, Elliot. I've seen the best and the worst of you." He smiled and leaned in for another kiss. This one lasted several minutes longer then the last one, with Elliot ending up leaning on top of her and holding her close.

"I'm going to go get changed in the bathroom, feel free to sleep on my bed." She gently pushed him away and stood up. She walked to the bathroom, picking up a roll of clothes as she passed by the dresser in her bedroom. She could hear him in the bedroom, moving around her apartment. It was a comforting idea.

* * *

"Are you going to be able to fall asleep now?" he asked her, lying once more in the sheets of her bed. She was a little closer to him then the previous night. They both knew that they wouldn't sleep together that night. Maybe it would be months until they were both ready to do that. But, right now they each needed a little comfort. Now that their feelings were basically out in the open, the awkwardness of being close could go away. Hopefully. 

"I don't think I can right now," she admitted. He nodded sleepily and rolled onto his side, placing one arm on her waist, his fingers tickling at her bare stomach through the tank top.

"Can I do this? Touch you like this, I mean." He was being cautious, taking things at a slower rate. They both knew that they didn't want a one-night thing, when they slept together and made irrational choices. This little touching, with a guarantee that nothing that serious would happen, was different. In response, she shifted her body closer towards him, also turning onto her side. Her slightly bent knees fit perfectly in the curve of his body, and she felt safe sleeping in his grasp.

"It's fine. Goodnight, Elliot," she whispered. He rubbed her stomach for a second before responding.

"Goodnight, Liv. Happy New Year."

* * *

It had only been a few kisses. She had been in tears, he had been concerned, and that was what happened…or so Olivia hoped. This would ruin their careers if it got out, despite whatever Cragen told them. She was never supposed to be the one in love, with a family. But there was her daughter now, her little Alexandra. The gift that she would never trade away, that was what Alexandra was. She had seen him interact with his daughter, and it looked like he could be the father to one more child. It looked like he wanted to. The fact that he kissed her, that his hand was on her stomach, that he had promised to never leave her, and that she was falling deeper in love with him needed to count for something. She didn't want to leave him, but at the same time didn't want to need him. There was a decision to be made.

He had kissed her. He, Elliot Stabler, had kissed his partner. It had been short and sweet, probably the best kiss in his lifetime. It was comforting to know that she wanted to try this relationship, but he knew she had concerns. She had a right to be concerned. He had some concerns, too. Would her daughter call him "Daddy?" Would they ever get past little kisses and deep conversations? Would they ever stand at an altar together, about to be joined in the holiest of ceremonies? The questions were daunting. He loved her, more then she could ever understand. He never wanted to hurt her, ever. If that meant acting like the kisses hadn't happened, that he wasn't holding her close now, then so be it. He cared so much for her, he loved her, and it was almost painful. He could never willingly leave her, but he also didn't want to need her. Choices would be made in the future; something had to be decided soon.

* * *

Olivia slowly woke up at four in the morning, listening for her daughter's telltale cries. She was surprised to find that Elliot's arm had stayed wrapped around her torso for the night, short as it was. Gently, she lifted his arm by the wrist and laid it down next to him, crawling out of bed to go hold her daughter. Thoughts swirled aimlessly in her mind, thoughts about her daughter and her partner and her life.

"Hi, Alexandra, sweetheart, good morning," she cooed, picking up the little girl and carrying her into the kitchen. Alexandra was fed, changed, bathed, and happily settled in a playpen with toys before Elliot stumbled out of the bedroom.

"Good morning," he yawned. "Please tell me you have coffee."

"Of course I do," she replied, handing him a steaming cup and smiling softly.

"Look, Liv, I'm sorry about what happened last ni—" he started, putting down the coffee and looking at her. She stopped him before he could even finish getting the words out.

"Don't be. It was good, and if Cragen is alright with it for now, it's okay. We just need to decide what to do next." She watched him stand up and contemplate what she had just said.

"I want to kiss you again," he mumbled truthfully. "I don't want to ever leave you alone again." Olivia just nodded slowly, searching in vain for words that would be an acceptable response. She found none and just looked at him a moment, standing in her kitchen.

In one fluid motion he lunged forward and put his hands around her neck and waist, pulling her close. He pressed his lips firmly against hers and she responded, wrapping her arms around his upper body and neck. She moaned softly in his mouth, kissing him for another few full minutes before pulling away.

"Please, just take it slow," she begged, dropping her hands and looking at him. They both knew each other so well that they knew things would spiral out of control before they could stop themselves. "I need this to be slow right now."

Elliot nodded, flexing his arm muscles and mentally beating himself up. He rushed it, and now she was upset. He couldn't lose control again, or he would lose this. He couldn't lose this.

* * *

"Captain, can I talk to you for a moment?" Elliot asked, getting up from his desk later on that day. They were working on New Years Day. He, Olivia, and Cragen were the only detectives in the squad-room. Weeks before, he and his partner had volunteered to work that day. It hadn't mattered too much then, but Olivia felt bad about keeping her daughter in a precinct on a holiday. Of course, Alexandra didn't know it was a holiday, but the guilt still weighed heavily on her conscience.

"Sure. What's up?" Cragen asked, shutting the door behind him.

"It's Olivia. She…I mean I…we…well, we sorta…"

"Spit it out, Detective. What's up?" Cragen's stomach dropped a few notches. There was no way he would sit here and listen to his detective tell him that he had slept with his partner, his partner being Cragen's daughter. He hadn't thought Elliot would act on his advice so soon.

"Don't look at me like that, Cap'n. Last night, after everyone left, I kissed Olivia," he muttered. "I kissed her, she kissed me back, and we kissed again this morning." He felt so stupid, like a teenage boy admitting things to his father or friends. In reality, it was worse, because he was telling this to her father and their boss. Oh, boy…

"Was she angry at you? Was she upset?"

"All she did was ask me to never leave her. I promised her I wouldn't." He stood in a solid stance, waiting for his captain's reaction.

"She won't admit it yet, but she needs you, Elliot. Go back to work."

* * *

He was sitting in her apartment again, picking food out of a take-out container with a pair of chopsticks. She was absentmindedly picking grains of white rice and tickling her daughter, trying to not notice the uncomfortable silence. It had to be the first time that the two of them could sit in a room together and not be able to stay silent without awkwardness settling in. Both of them were happy when Olivia's cell phone rang. The distraction was necessary.

"Benson," she said into the receiver. She listened for a moment, nodding her head. "It's okay, he's here with me now. We'll be right there." She hung up and started hurriedly putting away the food.

"Who was that?" Elliot asked.

"Cragen. Help me put the food away, he needs us ASAP. We'll just have to bring Alexandra along." He nodded and sprang into 'cop' mode, quickly putting the rest of the food away and picking up the little girl. Together, the three of them left her apartment and walked the few blocks to the precinct.


	8. Playing Pretend

**A/N-59 reviews, and I decided to take pity on you. Here's an update, only because I don't want to wait. I am having such a good time writing this story, but now we're reaching a bit of an angsty part. This is the last complete chapter I have written, but you should expect the next one within the week. Don't hate me for this chapter, I promise things'll get better!**

**Disclaimer-I don't own them. Duh!**

**Pretty Please?-Reviews. I love them. They encourage me to find the next chapter on my computer and take the time needed to upload it. If you don't review, I don't update. Simple as that.**

**Summary-One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O...**

* * *

Chapter Seven-Playing Pretend

"Captain, what's wrong?" Olivia asked, putting her daughter in the playpen that was stored in the precinct. She had used the word 'Captain' instead of 'dad.' She was being Benson the cop again.

"The suspect in the Baites case has been contained in a bar a few blocks away. The doorman there called us after he let him in. We need to get into the bar and get this guy before he gets away again. Casey and I are going to be in the van, eyes and ears. We'll watch Alexandra, make sure she's okay. We need you two to go undercover." Cragen looked serious, his face worn with exhaustion.

"Tell us what to do, Captain," Elliot said, watching Casey walk into the precinct.

"Well, about that…"

* * *

"You're kidding me, right? You're not actually serious." Elliot was in shock and Olivia groaned. On one occasion she had pretended to be Elliot's wife, but that had been for only a few minutes to try and keep at perp at bay. This was so much more.

"I'm sorry, Liv, but we need to do it. You two got the short straw. Get out there, and make it look convincing. He won't stop and watch unless it's real." What Cragen was proposing was downright mad, and Elliot glared at him. Their undercover job was so stupid and pointless. He was going to be a rich banker, the typical Wall Street power man. She was going to play his wife again, except this time they had to kiss. More then kiss, actually. Someone dies for this.

"Fine, but in an hour you and Casey get to rotate in." He grinned wickedly at that thought before straightening his tie. Then he climbed out of the van and into the bar. Olivia had to wait a few minutes, do her makeup and such, and then she would follow him and start up their little charade. He could hear his boss, Casey, and Olivia chatting in the earphone he was wearing. He scolded into the mike clipped to his collar.

"Will you three knock it off? I'm trying to be a business guy here!"

"Sorry, Elliot," Casey giggled, but Cragen took the microphone away from her.

"Okay, Stabler. Olivia's coming in." Elliot looked towards the door, and inhaled sharply when it opened. From his seat at the bar, he couldn't really see who had entered until they rounded a corner. When he had left the van, Olivia was getting changed and applying a little bit of last-minute makeup. He saw the result as heels clicked their way around the bend.

"Wow," he breathed. Olivia, in a little green dress, soft glittery makeup shining on her face, it was an interesting sight. It was so unlike the detective Elliot knew, but somehow it was still so Olivia.

"Hello, sweetheart," Olivia purred, slipping into their undercover and walking towards Elliot.

"You look wonderful," he told her truthfully.

"Anything for my wonderful husband," she said, sitting gently on his lap. Normally she would have stolen a swig of his drink, but since she was playing obedient Wall Street wife, she simply wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. He paused for a moment, a little unsure.

"Kiss her already, would you?" Casey interjected, taking the microphone again in the van. Elliot mentally reminded himself to murder her later and pulled Olivia close.

"My god, he's actually going to do it," Casey gasped, covering the mike with her hand. "Unbelievable."

"Shut up, Case. This takes a lot of nerve. I'll still have my job in the morning after I kiss my partner, right?" Elliot asked, hesitating. The microphone could pick up on most of the noise he made, so he barely made a sound while he talked and stared at his partner.

"Your jobs aren't in jeopardy. Make a move, Elliot, otherwise we lose this guy." Cragen had the mike back now.

Elliot mouthed 'sorry' to Olivia, but she shrugged it away. She tilted her head down and kissed him quickly on the lips. He returned the kisses, almost greedy and pressing his lips to hers with pent-up passion. Her lips tasted of strawberries and vanilla, a uniquely Olivia taste. He tasted like mint toothpaste and coffee, a wonderful combination when it was Elliot.

The two were past little kisses now. Elliot was rubbing soft circles into her back with one hand, the other resting on her waist. It was only when he noticed a new figure sitting down beside them at the bar did he snap back to reality.

"Cap'n, I think we got someone here," he muttered, claiming his lips for a moment before continuing. Cragen muttered something that he couldn't quite hear. All of his concentration was being focused on kissing Olivia like this, making sure he kept the suspect's attention long enough for backup.

"Captain, it's him. Send in the backup," Olivia confirmed, hiding behind her partner's neck so that she could talk. He was breathing heavily in her ear, his hot breath tickling her in a curious way. As much as she didn't want to admit it, this felt so right, so natural. Location aside, being with her partner like this felt right.

Elliot eased up only slightly after Olivia had called for Cragen to come in. It was one thing for him to be told to kiss his partner, another thing to be caught making out by their boss and her father. Footsteps approached them, one with clicking heels and another that sounded like the soft pad of loafers. Elliot chanced a glance and saw Cragen standing close behind their perp, Casey standing next to him. His arm was loosely wrapped around her waist, as if he could shield her from anything. Elliot knew that feeling well, he knew it every time something bad happened to Olivia.

"Geez, Elliot, you can stop sucking face now," Casey muttered, watching Cragen leading their cuffed perp away. Elliot merely waved her words away and kissed Olivia for a moment longer, but she pushed him away and followed Casey and Cragen. Her lips were slightly swollen, and they both had a job that needed to be done.

* * *

"You want to be good cop or bad cop?" Elliot offered, walking down the hallway towards the interrogation rooms.

"Good cop. It's fun seeing you be bad," Olivia laughed, opening the door. She walked in glaring at their perp and heard Elliot close the door behind her.

"That was hot, what you did back there in the bar," he said, looking at the two detectives.

"All part of the job," Elliot said, folding his arms and leaning against the wall.

"Part of the job… isn't it interesting how you making out with your partner is part of the job? Although, who wouldn't mind getting close to that?" Their perp grinned viciously at Olivia, and she felt him look at her from head to toes. The thought of him picturing her was sickening.

"Shut up, sleazebag, you're going to jail for a long time. We've got you on murder, rape, kidnapping, and child abuse. Your parole officers' grandmother hasn't even been born yet," Elliot threatened.

"Now's the time where you tell us what you know, and we see if we can stop the needle being put into your arm, okay? Start talking." Olivia took over, sitting down across from the perp and looking at him carefully. The perp snickered and stood up, walking over to the barred window with a few quick steps. Elliot followed, breathing threats down his back.

"Start talking, scum, otherwise this may be the last time you see snow," he whispered.

"You'll never find her!" the man said, his voice pleasant yet malicious. Olivia slammed the door as she and Elliot walked out of the room.

* * *

"Go home, you two. Get some sleep." Cragen's voice rang in his ears long after the words had been spoken. Olivia was just being angry, nothing special. It wasn't unlike her to get all mad when a perp refused to cooperate. He followed her into her apartment, hearing her grumble angry words as she slammed down her gun and badge. Wordlessly, she took her daughter from his arms and carried her into her bedroom. A few minutes later she walked back out, silently fuming.

"Liv, why is this guy bugging you?" he asked, pulling on her arm. She sat down on the couch next to where he sat and purposely looked away before answering.

"This guy isn't bugging me."

"Then what is?" She could hear the concern in his voice. God, if only…

"Nothing, Elliot."

"Talk to me." It was a gentle request, not a command. It still sounded like one, though.

"No. I'm fine," she lied.

"Liv, talk to me, please," he murmured, gently placing a hand around her jaw and neck, forcing her to look at him.

"I made out with you today," she stated. Okay, it wasn't the ideal conversation-starter, but she needed to say it.

"It wasn't making out, it was kissing. We were on the job." His voice was soothing and full of respect.

"We were making out, Elliot. You were kissing me, I was kissing you back. More then kissing, actually. We were making out." Words that were left unsaid played throughout her mind. _I was making out with you, and I didn't want it to end. I never wanted to leave your arms. I couldn't remember how long I had hoped and waited for you It was about then that I really recognized how much I loved you…_

"Okay, so we were making out. We were undercover, it was just another part of the job." He made it sound so simple, so black-and-white. "What's the matter with us doing our jobs?" His unspoken question hung in the air. _Did you want it to mean something more then just something for the job?_

Olivia opened her mouth to reply, but no words came out. Instead she simply looked at him and felt his hand on her jaw and neck. She searched his face for a moment before speaking.

"You kissed me before, when we weren't undercover. You want to put that on the job, too?" she asked, her voice getting higher towards the end of her question. She stared straight into his eyes, failing to appear cold and unfeeling. Her face was a puzzle of hidden emotion, except her eyes. Those chocolate pools of emotion were the only things that gave her away. With her eyes, she challenged him. She challenged him to put his thoughts and her fears into words.

"No, I don't," he whispered. "I don't want to be able to kiss you only when we're playing pretend."

"What do you want then?" It was amazing how, in the span of one moment, her most secret wishes and her darkest fears could be realized.

"To be able to kiss Olivia Benson whenever I want." The time for beating around the truth had come and gone. Honesty was all that remained.

"We have jobs, and our jobs have rules." It was a statement. Her job was the most important thing in her life, aside from her daughter. Funny, it was the same for him, as well.

"Forget the rules. Forget the regulations, the penalties, forget the consequences. If you were just Miss Olivia Benson, and I was Mr. Elliot Stabler, would you let yourself be with me?"

"Yes," she answered immediately. It was a decision that had always been at the back of her mind. If she didn't have the job, she would want to have him. It was that simple. "Would you want me, with my baggage and struggles?"

"Yes. I wouldn't want you to change anything. You've said it before, Liv. We've seen the best and the worst of each other. Do you honestly think I would still be your partner after all this time if I wanted to change you in any way?"

"I don't know. Why does this have to be so hard?" she asked.

"I have a question for you. When you found Alexandra on your doorstep, why didn't you just call Children's Services?" He was changing the subject, trying to protect her from whatever he possibly could.

"I should have, but I couldn't pick up the phone and call them. I didn't want to condemn another child to the life they would have led." Lies, she was telling lies once more. The words coming out of her mouth were only partially true. He saw through the poorly covered words immediately.

"That's not true, Liv, and you know it. Why couldn't you call Children's Services?"

"I wanted this chance to be a mother. I wanted to help a little girl grow into a young woman. I didn't want to pass this up. I've given up on relationships a long time ago, but I still wanted a family."

"I'm your family, Olivia. Cragen, Munch, Fin, Casey, we're all your family." He looked at her with a simple curiosity in his eyes. His partner, wanting to be a mother? It was a weird, but not entirely impossible, thought.

"You've got your kids. Fin's got his son. Casey has family upstate. Munch has his ex-wives and Cragen and the whole squad backing him. Cragen's the father-figure to us all. I had nothing and nobody, so I seized the opportunity to have a child."

"You would have had a child sooner or later, Liv." Elliot was confused. This was touching a deeply personal side of his partner, and he was trying his best to make her trust him enough to let him in.

"I'm old, Elliot. I'm old, against love, terrible with any kind of relationships, too into my work, and…I don't like it anymore." She was crying again, salty tears making their way down her cheek.

"You're not old," he whispered, his hand slowly winding down her side and ending up around her waist. "You won't ever be old." He wrapped his arm around her waist and held her close. She whimpered and let the tears fall.

"I'm so against love, so into my job, so unfeeling at times, that I can't have a relationship with anyone."

"You've got Alexandra and Cragen," he murmured, burying a kiss in her hair. "And…you've got me."

Olivia cried for another few minutes, trying to calm herself down. Elliot's hands were rubbing her back in comforting circles, and she wiped her eyes with her sleeve before pulling away.

"You've got me," Elliot repeated.

"I know, I know. But while Cragen and Alexandra will be a constant, what about you?"


	9. Consideration and Casey

**A/N-Okay, so I finished this chapter. I'm brewing over several other story ideas in my poor crazy teenage mind, but that's just it. I'm a teenager, and I'm in school. And it just so happens that starting Monday I begin a crazy week of non-stop state-mandated testing. Gah!! It's some of the most major tests I've taken thus far in my life, so they're pretty important. The good news is that teachers are forbidden to give us homework for the whole week. The bad news is, I'm going to be so stressed out that you mustn't blame me if I don't update within the next few days. Be patient! I love this story and the reviews and everything. Thanks for sticking with me thus far!**

**Disclaimer-I don't own them. Duh!**

**Pretty Please?-Reviews. I love them. They encourage me to find the next chapter on my computer and take the time needed to upload it. If you don't review, I don't update. Simple as that.**

**Summary-One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O...**

Chapter Eight-Consideration and Casey

Olivia had walked away then, went to take a cold shower and think things through. While she contemplated her life, Elliot was making up a bed on the couch once more. He figured that Olivia needed space, and he wanted her to have anything she needed. If that meant he suffered, then so be it. He had just settled down and turned off the living room light when he heard the shower stop and the bathroom door open. He looked at the doorway and saw his partner and best friend standing there, wrapped in a towel and looking at him worriedly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, afraid that a loud sound would startle herself and everyone else in the apartment. "I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," he muttered gruffly.

"Yes, I do. I told you that you wouldn't be a constant in my life. That was complete and utter bull. You are already a constant. I've known you for a decade, and I should have known you wouldn't leave me." His words from the night they had first kissed sounded in her mind. _I won't leave you, I promise I won't leave you._ She knew now that those words were true.

""I couldn't leave you, ever." She saw the mix of hurt and love in his eyes. It was almost painful to see him lying there, telling her the only things she wouldn't believe.

"I know that, I always knew that." And she did. In the back of her mind, she really did.

"Good."

"If I know that, and you know that I know that, then you don't need to sleep out here. Come back into my bedroom," she said. He slowly stood up and looked at her, with a towel wrapped around her body and asking him to sleep in her bed.

"Go get changed," he told her. She walked into her room only to come out a few moments later, this time towel-drying her damp hair. She had a tank top and a pair of boxer shorts on, and threw her towel over the back of a chair. She began to walk back into her room, pausing to speak only for a second.

"Come on," she whispered. She climbed into bed, feeling him next to her. She rolled over and looked into his eyes, clouding over with sleep. Before his eyes closed, she stuck her neck out and kissed him on the lips. She was surprised when he lazily moved his arm up and around her middle, just as he had done before. Things seemed to be okay once again.

* * *

Olivia fell asleep and had a dream. Dreams and other nightly visions weren't exactly uncommon for her. She had always had something plaguing her mind, something that wouldn't let go when she closed her eyes. This one was nice, peaceful, unlike the nightmares that usually haunted her at night.

Her life was different in this dream. She felt the happiness and joy radiating from this little house. It had a yard, and flowers growing, the impossible things for a city. A little girl who couldn't be more than ten years old played in the yard, her curls marking her for the baby that was in the next room in reality. She saw another little girl run over to the grown Alexandra. This child had her hair color and skin tone, but then she turned to face Olivia. Those blue eyes were unmistakable. Elliot's blue eyes, she had always wondered what they would look like on someone who looked like her. Now she knew.

Olivia watched the two girls play for a few moments before deciding to investigate the house. She opened the front door, a phantom in this alternate world. She came across a hallway and past that a kitchen. That was when she caught a first glimpse of her dream-self. She was sitting at the kitchen table, a hand protectively resting on her obviously pregnant belly. Elliot was sitting next to her, his hand resting on top of hers. Rings, most likely wedding rings, shone on their fingers. Their lips were moving, but Olivia could not hear a word they were saying. All she could tell was that they were more then happy and their life was good.

She felt the tug of dawn pull at her. Olivia didn't want to leave this alternate life. There wasn't any pain, she and Elliot were together, and they were going to bring a new life into the world.

* * *

Olivia woke to an empty bed. She almost thought that the last twenty-four hours had been a dream, except she could hear someone moving around in her apartment. She turned to the alarm clock that sat on her nightstand and sat straight up in bed. 8 o'clock? She couldn't have slept so late. Alexandra would have woken her up. Tiredly, she rubbed her eyes and climbed out of her bed.

Elliot had risen at 4, doing his best to not make a sound. Olivia needed sleep, and he was having trouble sleeping. Luckily for him Alexandra knew him well enough, and let herself be picked up and fed by the man. She stood in the doorway of her bedroom, watching her daughter play with her partner like nothing else was in the world.

"You didn't need to do this," she said, speaking after a long moment of merely watching the scene before her. She startled him, and he stood up, picking up Alexandra and cradling her in his arms.

"I wanted to," he replied. He offered her the little girl, extending his arms out to the now-awake mother. She smiled simply and kissed her daughter's curls before kissing the stubble on his cheek. It was nothing like the heavy stuff they had had to do the night before, but somehow it was still important. Like they were a normal family, almost. A normal family where the father did nice things for the mother and everyone was happy.

"C'mon, I'll make you breakfast and a cup of coffee." Olivia walked into her kitchen and busied herself with making toast and cereal while Elliot settled Alexandra into a cartoon and playpen.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing?" he asked, walking into the kitchen. She frowned and turned to face him, shrugging.

"Domestic issues aren't exactly my specialty, and I didn't go to cooking school." She cursed softly when the toast made a hissing noise on the stove and quickly turned off the flame before the toast burned completely. Elliot walked up behind her and wrapped his hands around her waist, kissing her neck and behind her ear.

"You could ask me, you know. I have cooked before," he whispered.

"I know. Maybe I like making big messes in the kitchen." She turned her head sideways and leaned so she could get a look at his face. Their lips barely brushed before she untangled herself and went back to setting up the morning meal.

* * *

It was just another day at the precinct. There was the usual unspeakable horror, followed by a break in a devastating case, followed by a much-needed lunch break.

"You want to go grab something?" Elliot asked, watching Olivia stand up and grab her coat.

"No thanks, I'm meeting Casey for lunch. Girl talk," she explained.

"Girl talk?" He raised his eyebrow.

"Yeah, girl talk. Cragen offered to watch Alexandra for me. Bye," Olivia called, glancing over her shoulder as she walked out of the precinct. Elliot was sitting there, a confused expression on his face lingering for a moment longer before heading back to work.

Olivia crossed the street and headed into the café situated on the corner. It was cold, so she ordered herself a hot coffee and waited. With a gust of cold wind in her wake, Casey walked in a few minutes later. Greetings were exchanged, and Casey sat down with her own steaming mug. Orders were placed, food was quickly brought, and soon the discussion turned to serious matters.

"What's up, Liv? You called me this morning and asked me to lunch. You sounded off. Is something wrong?" Casey swirled the dregs of her coffee in the cup and looked at her friend curiously. Something told Casey that this meeting wasn't about work.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"What do you mean? Nothing's wrong with you."

"I had a dream last night," Olivia whispered, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Did you have a nightmare? Did it scare you?" Casey mentally worked through endless possibilities.

"It wasn't a nightmare. It might've been the best dream I've ever had. It also could have been the worst." She sat there, living through the dream and waiting for the attorney to say something.

"Tell me about it," Casey coaxed.

"It was like an alternate life completely. I saw Alexandra, she must've been ten then, playing in the yard of a suburban house with another little girl. That little girl looked almost exactly like me, but had the bluest eyes you can imagine."

Casey smiled softly. Elliot had blue eyes, they were amazing. The kid must've been hers and Elliot's. Oh, boy…

"Anyway, they were playing, so I went into the house after watching them for a little while. I was so curious, I wanted to see if I was in my dream, too."

"And were you?" asked Casey.

"I was. I found myself in the kitchen of this little house and I was sitting at the kitchen table. A…a wedding ring was on my finger. I was…Casey, I was pregnant in my dream." There, she had said it. One of the best/worst parts of her dream, and she had said it aloud.

"Who else was with you?"

"Elliot. My hand was resting on my stomach, and he was sitting next to me. His hand was on top of mine." A tear slowly slid down her face and she brushed it away. She laughed nervously and looked at the other woman, who was probably working through all the facts.

"Okay. Let me see if I get this. You saw an older Alexandra playing with a child who was yours with Elliot. You went inside and you were pregnant again. Elliot was with you, you two were married. That sound about right?" Casey asked.

"Yeah. Case, I was huge. Like can't see my shoes, maternity clothes, basketball-belly huge."

"So, have you slept with him yet?" Casey decided it was best to change subjects. Reality was always more fun to discuss then someone's dreams.

"What? No, no, I haven't." Olivia wore a shocked expression, Casey a slightly bemused one.

"Okay…kiss him yet, aside from the undercover thing?" Olivia blushed deeply and took a large sip of water. "You have, haven't you? Do tell." Things were going on the right track for them. Casey was impressed.

"I don't know what to do about anything anymore, Casey. I'm still unsure about my ability to raise a child. For the first time in my life, I have a father who cares for me and it scares me. And now I'm having a dream where I'm married to my partner and about to have his child!"

"Liv, you're completely oblivious. I can tell you a thousand times over what you want to hear. You are already an awesome mother and you will continue to be one. Cragen has always been a father figure of us all, and he always will be there to you. And, Liv? Elliot. Loves. You. And I'll bet my job that you love him too. You both are too stubborn to admit it, and you're both idiots if you can't see that yet. You two, tempers and stubbornness aside, are perfect for each other. I wish I had a relationship with a guy like the one you have with Elliot. This isn't the Olivia Benson I know. What happened? When I came to the unit you were giving me attitude, yelling at me, and generally making me want to come after you with my baseball bat. You were so pulled together. You always have been. Why are you crumbling?"

"Because right now I'm scared, I'm so impossibly scared…The more a person gains, Casey, the more they have to lose." Olivia threw down a few bills onto the table and stood up, grabbing her coat. Wordlessly she walked out of the little café and tried to regain control of her emotions.

* * *

"What'd you and Casey talk about?" Elliot asked, glancing up from his paperwork. Fin and Munch were catching today, so the other duo of the 1-6 was working on finishing up papers. Olivia shrugged and focused on her computer screen, the small smile that was almost always on her face vanishing instantly.

She didn't want to think about it. He would leave her, no matter what he said. She had taken the time and the effort to barricade herself with emotional walls. Recently she had let two people in, in more so then most others. Alexandra and Cragen. Casey was also getting closer and closer to breaking through, too.

The walls had started out as a necessity. She was a female working in a tough environment that most people thought was suitable for males only. She carried a gun and could beat the crap out of a person. Women weren't supposed to be able to do that, so she got teased for it. By acting like one of the guys and being just as brave and cold she could protect herself. It was the only way.

Elliot wanted in now. She had let him in before. He saved her life, she saved his, it doesn't matter who has done what anymore. She trusts him like she trusts no other person, but that still isn't enough. She can't get past the thought that she might lose him. He was never supposed to be hers to gain. He was supposed to stay married. He was supposed to be off-limits, but always he was there for her. He cared. He cared enough to make her tell him what was wrong. He cared enough to look after her, be even more protective then the rest of the squad. Deep down, she knew he cared enough to wait for her to come to her senses.

"Liv, want to grab a pizza or something? Maybe a movie?" Elliot's voice broke her thoughts and she snapped back to reality. She realized he was standing behind her, waving a Blockbuster coupon.

"Yeah, let's get a movie."

Quietly, he offered up her coat and she accepted it gratefully. She picked up Alexandra from the playpen and bundled her up with all the proper accessories before settling her down on one hip. She matched him step for step as they walked out of the precinct and into the cool New York air.


	10. Calming Down

**A/N-Okay, so I finished this chapter. Took long enough, right? Seriously, though, my life is so insane. First I had this crazy tests, then my computer crashes, and finally I wrote a sufficient chapter. This is the unbeta'd version, because my beta hasn't gotten back to me yet. I took pity on the poor readers. Also, all events in the dream sequence are taken from the show. The order might be off, but what happened to every character actually happened (save for baby Alexandra!) If you still love this story, even after the long wait, please review!**

**Disclaimer-I don't own them. Duh!**

**Pretty Please?-Reviews. I love them. They encourage me to find the next chapter on my computer and take the time needed to upload it. If you don't review, I don't update. Simple as that.**

**Summary-One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O...**

Chapter Nine-Calming Down

The credits rolled lazily up the screen as Elliot gradually woke from a light nap. He shifted to move to a more comfortable position when he realized someone had nestled into the crook of his neck.

It only took him a moment to remember that the sleeping woman was his Olivia.

Alexandra had been tucked in hours ago, after a home-cooked dinner of spaghetti and a warm bottle. Then they had started the movie and somehow, between the opening credits and the finale, Olivia had drifted off to sleep beside him.

It was something he had seen before, both at work and in the very apartment he sat in right now. He had gone up to the crib to wake her up to hear a development in the case and had always caught himself watching her for only a moment. Sometimes the worried looks the day had given her carried into sleep, and sometimes she smiled as though true happiness rested behind the lids of her eyes.

Either way, she was still beautiful. And she was still asleep right now.

Very slowly, he snaked an arm down to hook around her waist and then he looped the other under her knees. It had been a long time since he had carried a woman this way, but the time he had spent lifting weights had preserved his strength.

Gently, slowly, carefully, he hoisted the sleeping woman up off the couch and carried her into the bedroom. He tenderly put her down and pulled the covers up next to her chin.

Then he changed into an NYPD standard tee shirt and cautiously climbed into bed beside her, looking at her sleeping form. A small smile was on her face and he was confused for just a moment.

"Thanks," she mumbled sleepily, not opening her eyes. He rubbed her arm affectionately and all she could hear was her words from the afternoon. _The more a person gains, Casey, the more they have to lose._

* * *

_Elliot was down at the other end of the hallway, Alexandra snug in his arms. She could see them so clearly, and she could see the black figure moving towards them._

_Save Elliot. Save Alexandra. _

_She took off running and gasped at the first sight that came across her path. Her mother, Serena Benson, sprawled on the ground with a bottle in her hand. It was exactly like she had imagined how her mother had died. She had been unable to save her mother from the bottle, from her rapist, and from most importantly from herself. Olivia Benson had failed to save her mother from Olivia. _

_Save Elliot. Save Alexandra._

_The next horrific image to block her from them was that of Alex Cabot. The ADA was lying on the ground, dark red blood staining the area around her. Her skin was deathly pale and her eyes had already closed. She had failed to save her, too._

_Save Elliot. Save Alexandra._

_She had managed to run a little farther when she came across another body slumped against the wall. Fin, shot, just as he had been shot two years ago now. She was his cover that day, and he had run in to get something. He had come out on a stretcher. She had failed him._

_Save Elliot. Save Alexandra._

_The progression of events was getting clearer in her mind. Casey was next. While she was out purchasing coffee, Casey was getting beat up by some vengeful foreigner, to the point of needing to spend time in a hospital. If she hadn't stepped out, maybe she could've saved Casey. _

_Save Elliot. Save Alexandra._

_The next traumatic event had been the shooting at the courthouse. She came across Munch bleeding on the ground from a bullet wound. If she had been there, maybe she could have saved him, and saved Elliot. He had been shot that day._

_Save Elliot. Save Alexandra._

_She watched as the black figure crept up behind Elliot and forced him to his knees. It was just like the warehouse last year. The blackness took Alexandra into its depths and a gun emerged, pointing right at Elliot's head. His eyes were strangely calm and he was begging her to take the shot, the shot that could potentially kill him. _

_She shook her head, crying hysterically._

"Liv! Olivia, wake up!"

"No! Elliot…" she whispered urgently, still half-asleep. Tears quickly made their way down her face and she tried to pull herself from Elliot's embrace.

"Shh…Liv, it's a bad dream. Wake up!" He pulled her from her sleeping position into his lap, cradling her.

"Elliot?" she asked, rubbing her eyes and wiping the tears. "Elliot, you shouldn't see me like this!"

Her breathing was short and it sounded like she was going to burst into tears all over again. He hugged her close and waited for her tears to subside.

"Tell me about the dream," he coaxed, but she shook her head.

"You shouldn't see me like this," she whispered again.

"Like what? Like a human being? We can't be superheroes all the time," he reminded her. "Now, please tell me what got you crying so badly."

Her breath hitched for a moment before she murmured "I couldn't save anyone. Not you, not Alexandra, not anyone." Then the tears came again.

She pushed herself away from him and quietly pulled her black bathrobe on over her tee shirt and flannel pajama pants. Then she left the bedroom, hiccupping once or twice and making quiet noise in the kitchen.

Elliot followed her out, observing her from the doorway. She made herself a cup of tea, then pushed the armchair that he had never seen her sit in over to the window. Then she wrapped herself into the blanket, sat down in the chair, pulled her knees up close to her body, took a long sip of tea, and sat staring out the window.

He allowed her a moment of thought before walking over to the armchair and standing next to it, looking down at her. She frowned and turned so that she faced the window and her body was turned away from him.

"You never sit in that chair," he noticed quietly.

"I inherited it from my mother. It's got bad memories," she replied, not looking back.

"What kind of bad memories?"

"Leave me alone, Elliot. You've never had to pull and drag your mom into a chair and clean her face and dump her vodka. You've never had to watch her sober up and avoid her because even looking at you in a fragile state will set her off in a tirade about how you look like the man who destroyed her. You've never wanted to make that pain go away, only to realize that for that to happen you can't exist anymore. You don't know anything about what's going through my head."

Her voice was deathly quiet and laden with sadness as she rocked back and forth, pressing her face into her knees.

"You're right. I've never had to do any of those things," he said slowly. "But I want to know what it's like, if you'll tell me."

She relaxed a bit in her chair and waited for him to continue.

"So…what now?" he asked.

"Now you'll go back to sleep."

"And you?" She shuddered involuntarily as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"The nightmare came tonight," she said softly, sounding more like a child then a tough cop. "I won't be going back to sleep now."

Absentmindedly, she ran her pointer finger over the rim of her cup, waiting for him to go back to sleep. She wasn't expecting his next move.

He took the mug and set it down on her coffee table. Then he leaned over and picked her up, just as he had done hours earlier.

"Elliot, put me down!" she gasped, beating at his chest helplessly with her fists. He shook his head and deposited her onto her bed, without so much grace this time.

She landed with a _thump _and an "Ouch!"

"There, now talk to me. Tell me about your nightmare. Have you had it before?" He sat down next to her and watched as she pushed herself up into a sitting position, giving him angry looks as she settled into a comfortable spot.

"Yes, I've had it before, and why am I sitting in here now? I'm not going back to sleep," she replied stubbornly.

"It doesn't matter right now if you sleep or not. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," she said slowly. "I…can't. I don't tell anyone about the nightmares."

"I want to hear about it, I want to help. Trust me, Olivia," he pleaded, and she swung her legs over the bed so that her feet touched the ground. Elliot started, ready to catch her if she ran, but instead she folded her hands in her lap and looked anywhere but at him.

"It always starts the same way. I dream that we're stuck somewhere, and I need to find you, save you. I see you, so I start running towards you. This time, you had Alexandra with you. You've both wormed your way into my heart, I suppose. But whenever I run, I come across someone I couldn't save. My mom first, then Alex. Remember when Fin got shot in that store? He's always slumped against a wall in my dreams, just as he was then." She paused for a moment and blinked away a few tears before continuing.

"Then it's Casey, when she got beat up in her office. Then you and Munch got shot at the courthouse last year, and suddenly how I imagined what happened entered my dream. Finally, I got closer to you and Alexandra, and the darkness took her away."

Another deep, shuddering breath before she continued. This time, her voice was almost a dead whisper.

"Then a gun comes out of nowhere and aims at your head. Suddenly you're on your knees and telling me to take that God-awful shot. Why'd you tell me to take that shot?" she asked him, and for the first time he really heard how broken she sounded. She turned to face him and her brown eyes were filled with tears.

"If you killed him, you would've gotten away," he whispered.

"I couldn't take the shot, not then. And not in my dream, either. Then you're dead and Alexandra is dead and everyone around me is dead and I couldn't save them and I'm always reminded of how I couldn't save them…" she rambled on and Elliot pulled her into an embrace.

She buried her face in the crook between his neck and his shoulder and let her tears stain his shirt.

"Shh…" He rocked back and forth, listening to her cry and wanting nothing more than to send her someplace where nothing more could hurt her. "It's all right, it was just a dream, a bad dream."

"It's not just a dream, Elliot. It's a reality," she mumbled into his shoulder and he pressed his face into her hair, kissing the top of her head.

Maybe, to be perfectly honest, a few tears of his own blended with hers that night as he stayed up with her until morning, rocking and holding and being there, just as she had never had someone be there for her before.


	11. Building Up

**A/N-**Somebody asked me if Fin really gets shot in a review. Yes, he does, in the Season 6 episode "Haunted." It's a pretty good episode, I think the first one where we meet Fin's son. Another person asked me how old Alexandra is. She's seven months old, thereabouts, in the last chapters. Thanks to my beta!

**Disclaimer-** I don't own them. Duh!

**Pretty Please?- **Reviews. I love them. They encourage me to find the next chapter on my computer and take the time needed to upload it. If you don't review, I don't update. Simple as that.

**Summary-** One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O…

* * *

**Chapter Ten-Building Up**

Wake up.

Feed Alexandra.

Change Alexandra.

Play movie for Alexandra.

Shower.

Dress for work.

She follows a routine that seems old as time the next morning. It was how she always was after the nightmare.

If you pretend that it didn't happen, that it's not real, then maybe, just maybe, you can forget about it for a while.

She consciously avoids Elliot in her apartment. She can hear him entertaining her daughter as she dries her hair and sees his breakfast dishes neatly piled by the sink.

But she won't talk to him about her breakdown.

Pack up Alexandra.

Leave.

She has managed to avoid his questioning gaze and lets her hand fall loosely at her side as she walks to the precinct.

She couldn't help but smile when she feels his hand taking her own and giving it a soft squeeze.

She allows him to hold on, because maybe she wants to hold on, too.

And she squeezes it back before dropping his hand at the doors to the station.

It's the only romantic gesture she's allowed him since kissing him in her kitchen the previous morning.

Truth be told, she knows exactly what she's doing and why she's doing it.

She's turning away from him, not letting him in.

She wants to, desperately, but every sensible bone in her body is screaming for her to stop, turn back, and run away. But she won't let him in, and she won't run away, so she's caught half-way.

She's loving him, hating him, needing him, and hurting him all at once.

* * *

He knows precisely what's going on with his partner. 

He's known her for almost nine years now. He could tell when it was her time of the month, when a case was getting to her, and when she had slept with a coworker.

In close-knit conditions such as the Special Victims Unit, everyone knows too much about everyone else.

He knows that she's fighting a battle with herself and he's the cause.

He wants to be let in. He wants her. He wants her to trust him enough to confide in him.

Tonight, she'll confess. He'll see to it.

* * *

"Captain, a moment?" Elliot asked, watching as Olivia made her way to the bathroom during a slow moment. 

"Of course, Elliot. What's up?" Cragen shut the door behind his detective and watched with wary eyes. "Wait, is this work or personal?"

"Both. I'm going to try something with Olivia tonight," he began and Cragen visibly winced. "And I need to leave work early. Can I?"

"Just this once, Stabler," Cragen warned, "But yeah. Anything else?"

"Uhh…can you and Casey maybe work out a babysitting thing for tonight?"

"Do I want to hear about what you're going to do?"

"It's nothing like that, Captain," Elliot said respectfully. "It's just I want her to open up to me and I don't want her to have to worry about being strong for anyone."

"Just because her child won't physically be there with you won't stop her worrying, but I'll call Novak. Maybe we can order in pizza and set up a movie and sleep in the crib or something. Just this once, and then you have to find some other babysitting service." Cragen offered him a ghost of a smile before turning back to work. "Now go find a rapist."

"Every day, Captain. Every day."

* * *

At four o'clock, after making several successful phone calls, Elliot stood up and grabbed Olivia's coat from the rack. 

"C'mon, we're getting out of here," he told her.

"What?" she asked, shrugging on her coat and hesitating at her desk.

"I've talked with Cragen. He's babysitting with Casey for the night, and I'm going to take you out somewhere."

"Why?"

"Because I care about you," he whispered.

"Okay."

* * *

He informed her that the evening would be slightly formal, so she picked out a shimmery bronze knee-length dress and a matching wrap. He was busy fixing his suit and tie. 

Her hair was cleaned, dried, and curled into loose ringlets. Her bangs were carefully arranged around her face. Her make-up was light and sparkling.

Even with a look of careful confusion decorating her face, Elliot thought she couldn't look more beautiful.

* * *

He drove, telling her that their destination was meant to be a surprise. 

"I don't like surprises," she told him, legs crossed and hands in lap. Polite, tactful, and wary.

"You'll like this."

They drove for maybe thirty minutes, mostly silent. He was concentrating on the road and the events he hoped would happen tonight, and she was trying to determine where they were headed.

Eventually Elliot pulled up to a rickety old building that was lit up by candles and dulled spotlights.

"The Lighthouse Inn?" Olivia asked, reading a faded sign hanging from the roof. Elliot nodded, opening the car door for her. A powerful wave of salty sea air hit her.

"We're by the ocean?"

"Rockaway Beach, where I used to spend my summers. This was always the best and fanciest place to go." Courteously, he offered her his hand and she took it gently.

"But why are we here?"

"Because I wanted to take you somewhere nice, somewhere far away. This is as far as I could get on short notice."

As if it was the only explanation in the world.

* * *

"Elliot! Good to see you, really good. How are you?" the man at the desk asked as he warmly shook Elliot's hand. 

"Just fine, Pete. Reservations for two, under Stabler?"

"Here we are," Pete said, pointing to a spot in the book. "Donna's setting up the table now, it'll only be a moment. Who's the lovely lady accompanying you this evening, you old hound?"

"This is my…Olivia. Liv, this is Pete. His dad owned this place when we were kids and now he manages it."

"Mr. Stabler? Your table is ready. Follow me, please," a teenage brunette said, and the two fell in line behind her as she made her way to their table.

* * *

"Don't be worried," Elliot said, once Pete had taken their orders. 

"Why would I be worried?"

"Because you left your baby daughter alone with two family members who care about her and you're still feeling the separation."

He offered her a kind smile and she relaxed just a little bit.

"You look great, Liv," he complimented.

"Flattery, Elliot? What's the catch?"

She was suspicious and rightly so. This was a different person sitting in front of her. He was romantic and caring and selfless and confident.

"We're taking things slow, right?" He paused, allowing her to nod her approval. "So this is what we've moved on to. This, my dear Olivia, is a first date-of-sorts, and the flattery is because I want to get to know you better."

Whatever she was expecting, his answer wasn't it. He was serious and his hand was resting gently on hers.

"You've known me for the past nine years, we've been partners for the past nine years. You already know me," she told him.

"I know Detective Benson the cop. I know how the Special Victims Unit has influenced Olivia Benson, my best friend. I know the SVU-Olivia, what it does to her and how she connects. I want to know what made you the way you are before walking into the squad-room, before you walked into my life and the lives of everyone around us. I want to know, and I want for you to tell me. Please, Liv, will you tell me?" he asked.

She was quiet for a long moment, her smile gone from her face. After a moment of thought, she spoke again, so quietly that he had to strain to hear her.

"My life…it hasn't been the best. Some parts are happy, some definitely aren't dinner conversation. Some parts I'd rather just forget about. Nobody else, besides me, knows my whole story. But, if you really want to know, I'll tell you. In time. I'll tell you everything in time."

She took a deep breath and a long sip of her drink and for the first time Elliot realized exactly how much he was asking of her. She had agreed to tell him, though, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

Salads arrived and Eliot and Olivia ate in somber silence. Once the plates had been cleared away, Olivia cleared her throat and Elliot turned his attention to her. 

"Happy parts first." He understood it to mean the happy parts of her life and her willingness to talk to him about them.

"Okay. Aside from working with me the past nine years," he began but she cut in.

"Of course, Stabler, because working with you is always such a joy," she chuckled.

"What other parts of your life made you truly happy?" he finished.

Her face became devoid of emotion as she thought for a moment.

"I've never been as happy as I have been the past month," she decided.

"Because of Alexandra?"

"Because of everything. Alexandra is the one who was adopted, but I feel as though I've gotten the family. I have a daughter now, and a father. Munch, Fin, and Casey and I have never been closer. You're there all the time now, and it's comforting and…right. It's the stupid little things, too. I change diapers and I dusted the cobwebs off my pots and pans. I had a Christmas tree and an actual celebration this year, something I haven't done in a long time," she admitted.

"You deserve to be happy all the time. You deserve the family and the little things that make your heart smile. You deserve so much, Liv, it's a wonder it took so long."


	12. Confessions

**A/N-**Thanks to my beta, thanks to the readers, thanks to everyone who's interested in this story. I am so sorry for taking so very long. My life has been so hectic…I've graduated, completed a tedious round of certifications, done loads of prep-work, and prepared a concert. Tell me I'm not completely insane! Anyway, after this chapter, the EOness takes a backseat to motherhood, so stick with me if you want to read more about baby Alexandra instead of an EO romance. It's coming!

**Disclaimer-** I don't own them. Duh!

**Pretty Please?- **Reviews. I love them. They encourage me to find the next chapter on my computer and take the time needed to upload it. If you don't review, I don't update. Simple as that.

**Summary-** One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O…

* * *

Olivia lapsed into silence after Elliot's words, inwardly reflecting on the past month and all it had given her. He took the time to delve further into her mind.

"Before Alexandra, before me, before SVU, when were you happiest?"

This time, it only took a few seconds for her to answer, and when she did her face lit up with one of her best smiles.

"College. My four years at Siena College were some of the best years of my life."

"Why?" he asked, hoping to keep that smile on her face.

"As a freshman, I lived in a dorm. My roommate, Maggie, and I got close and I hung out with her group of friends. Before that, friends were wishful thinking," she explained. "But that freshman year, I got close to Maggie and the people she hung out with. There were five of us, so as sophomores we left the dorms and bought this dump ten minutes away from campus. It was crazy and crowded and we lived on canned food and takeout and whatever Maggie bought from the corner market. We were young, wild, and we lived there until graduation." She was grinning at the memories that had almost slipped away.

"What were their names? What happened to them?"

"Maggie's a writer, she lives in Chicago. We lived with Kate, David, and Tommy, two guys who knew Maggie from high school, and—"

"Wait. You lived with two guys?" Elliot interrupted, an incredulous look on his face.

"David and Tommy are some of the best guys I know, except you," Olivia said defensively. "David was studying to be a chemist and he was much more responsible than the rest of us. Tommy was an amazing artist, he was always painting on the walls. He wasn't a bad cook, either," she added.

"You lived with two guys," he chuckled, a small smirk playing on his face.

"We were poor, in college, and David and Tommy were our closest friends! Tommy went and married Kate, too, a few years later. They're living in Pennsylvania, out on a farm somewhere. But that's beside the point. The guys looked after us," she said quietly.

"The great Olivia Benson needed looking after?" Elliot's eyebrows were raised and he tilted his head in thought.

"Not me, us. The guys made sure we weren't acting like complete idiots and protected us and in return someone did their laundry and made sure there were always a bar of soap in the bathroom and a box of cereal in the cabinet. It was a win-win situation."

"Whatever you say, Liv."

* * *

Dinner was finished and paid for, goodbyes were said, and Elliot and Olivia left the restaurant full and content. Olivia turned towards the car when Elliot grabbed her hand and tugged her towards the opposite side of the street.

"Where are we going now?" she asked.

"You can't come to Rockaway and not go to the beach, it's not right!" he exclaimed, and there was a such note of playful seriousness in his voice that made Olivia laugh out loud.

"You've got to be kidding. It's January!"

"I'm not kidding. C'mon," he encouraged and she grudgingly allowed herself to be pulled through a sandy path.

"Tell me that that isn't amazing," he whispered, reaching the beach.

It was cold, windy, but the ocean was relatively calm and reflected a full moon as it reached the shore.

"It is," she agreed.

"Almost as amazing as you," he said.

"That's not true," she mumbled.

"Yeah, it is. You're beautiful, inside and out. You're caring, selfless, and good. A magnificent daughter, an amazing mother; you're a wonderful person. I don't know how you could be anything else, how someone could see you as anything else."

His voice was low, passionate, and she felt herself blush from the praise.

"You're too kind to me," she told him.

"I care about you, and if you see yourself as anything less then what you really are, someone needs to tell you the truth."

With a small frown, Olivia knelt down and took of her heels, shaking the sand out of the soles.

"I haven't been to the beach since college," she admitted quietly. "Tommy drove us out here and we stayed in his beach-house for a week one summer. It was my first time coming to the shore."

Elliot turned towards her, watching her shiver, from the cold or the memory? He moved behind her and gently pulled her back onto him, crossing his arms around her waist.

"My mother never really took me places, and when she had to go somewhere she usually left me behind. I don't think she cared whether or not I experienced the things a child should. When I was about thirteen she got her tenure at college where she worked and we moved into the faculty housing, but even before that we lived within walking distance of everything she needed."

"But what did you do for fun?" Elliot asked, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"I didn't really do fun, not until I was old enough to pass for a college student. Even then, I spent most of time making sure our apartment was functioning and that I was passing school. I was an honors student, all throughout middle school and high school. I went into the work program in my high school so that I could afford to go to college. I left home when I was barely seventeen, broke off all contact with my mother. We were still strained when she died."

It was then that he noticed a solitary tear falling down her cheek. Gently he wiped it away and she laughed nervously.

"That's enough for tonight, okay?" she requested, her voice small.

"Thank you, for trusting me enough to tell me all that. You didn't need to open up so much so soon."

"I thought you should know, because my daughter is going to have a better life then that." She was whispering, but she sounded strong, determined. And, Elliot knew that she was telling the truth.

"Why don't we go home?" he suggested, and a soft smile spread across his face when he felt her hand holding his in the dark.


	13. Firsts and Lasts

**A/N-** Ok, pay attention! After this chapter, there will only be an epilogue left. Yes, my dear readers, this story is coming to an end. I think it's at a point where I can safely say I accomplished something by writing it. Don't worry, though, if enough people review saying they want a sequel, I might be able to cook something up. I have a sequel planned for my other SVU story, Possessions, too! I also plan to be writing much more, for other fandoms. You haven't seen the last of me!

**Disclaimer-** I don't own them. Duh!

**Pretty Please?- **Reviews. I love them!

**Summary-** One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O…

* * *

The ride home after Olivia's heart-to-heart was silent. She was reflecting on her past and her future, and Elliot was just trying to take in it all. He had known that her life had been difficult, but now he was amazed that she could adjust and feel as well as anyone else. He supposed the key was to be completely self-reliant for everything. Heaven knows she was good at that.

The car pulled into the secondary spot for Olivia's apartment and the two made their way into the elevator. Once they were in the apartment, Olivia chanced a small kiss before rummaging through her drawers for her nightclothes.

"That was for a wonderful night," she said, snuggling a little closer to him once they both were safe under the covers.

* * *

It almost goes without saying that Olivia was overjoyed to cuddle Alexandra in her arms as soon as she walked into the precinct the next morning. Every five minutes or so, from the point when she walked in the door to lunchtime, Olivia would glance over at the area where her daughter was playing quite happily.

All in all, the day passed rather quickly, and Olivia was glad to pack up her baby girl and begin their walk home. Elliot had bid them a sad farewell, deciding to return to his apartment, if only to pack more things to move to Olivia's place.

* * *

"Milk, I need milk, and I need another box of granola bars, and apple juice, and…I better write this down," Olivia mumbled, dropping the baby bag and her tote on the floor. She shifted Alexandra to a more comfortable position on her waist, and turned to the child with mild interest.

"How are we doing, honey? Did Grandpa read you a story today? I'll bet it was a good one, too," she said, then, for her own benefit more than anything else, "How about I get you something to eat, then a bath, then bed? I think that sounds like a plan!"

She sets the child down on the floor in the kitchen, putting a couple of toys on the ground and proceeding to make dinner.

It's almost eerie, looking back, at how domestic and maternal the detective has become. She cooks and cleans more often then before, she watches herself for bad behaviors, and she isn't as afraid of her ability as a mother anymore.

* * *

"Alexandra, sweetheart, please, stop crying! What do you want? Your diaper is dry, you just ate a half-hour ago, and you napped for almost four hours in the crib this afternoon!" Olivia cried, close to tears herself. She was sitting on the floor of her bathroom, her attempts to calm Alexandra enough for a bath failing miserably.

"Ok, sweetheart, why doesn't Mommy pick you up, okay? See if that calms us both down," she mumbled, swinging the girl up and giving her a hug.

Alexandra kept up a steady wail.

"What's wrong? I've tried everything, darling, Mommy doesn't know! I don't know," she cried softly, swaying back and forth.

"Elliot! Elliot might know, okay sweetheart? Mommy's gonna call Elliot and see if he can help us. Why don't you just sit in your playpen for a moment, so I can call him." She gently lowered squalling child into a playpen and ran for the phone.

"Stabler," a groggy voice answered.

"Elliot! Please, Elliot, come over! Alexandra is crying and I've tried everything and nothing is working and now I'm crying and I don't know what to do!"

"Okay, Liv, take a deep breath, I'll be right there. Don't worry," he said, hearing the urgency Olivia's wobbly voice.

* * *

The scene greeting Elliot Stabler when he walked into Olivia's apartment was picturesque, if not memorable. Olivia, with a tear-stained face, sat on the couch, absentmindedly rocking an equally tear-stained in the cradle of her arms.

"She won't stop crying!" she wept. "I don't know what to do!"

"Shh…it's okay, Liv, it's okay. Did you check for all the normal stuff: diaper, dinner time…?"

"Yes! Of course I did! I tried everything, I swear, and nothing worked!"

"Okay, Liv, calm down, shh… Give her to me for a moment," he requested, and she sniffed as she watched him rock and inspect the baby.

"Are you giving your mother a hard time? What's the problem, sweetpea?" he asked the little girl, who in response started wailing again.

"Aww…sweetpea, I know what's wrong now," he said triumphantly. Olivia could only watch in amazement as Elliot shifted his arms so that a pointer finger was nudging Alexandra's mouth. She opened it to wail again, and bit down on his finger instead.

"It's okay, Liv, she's teething, probably her first tooth," he explained, and she almost laughed in relief before tearing again.

"I can't do this, Elliot, I couldn't even figure out what was wrong with my own daughter! I can't do this!" she cried.

Elliot sighed, reaching down with his free hand into the overnight bag she hadn't noticed sitting by her doorway. After some difficulties, he pulled out a purple, rubber ring, which he used instead of his finger. Then he put the now-giggling child back into her playpen before sitting next to his partner.

"You can do this, okay? You. Can. Do. This. You just need some help, everyone does. And you know what? I'll be here to help, whenever you need it. I promise you, I will always be here to help. I missed out on most of the baby-toddler years for my kids, so we'll figure it out together," he promised, pulling the hiccupping detective into his arms.

"Elliot?" she asked softly. "I've given her so much, but there is one thing I can't give to her, no matter how hard I try. She's got toys and a house, and loving uncles, aunt, grandpa, and Mommy, but I can't give her a daddy. When the time comes, when she speaks, I hope 'da-da' is directed at you, if you want to be a part of her life like that," she added hastily.

"What did I say, Liv? I'm going to be here to help you figure it out, help in the raising of that little girl. I would be honored to be her Daddy."

And, despite the tear tracks running down her cheeks, Olivia managed to smile at the future Alexandra, her daughter, Elliot's daughter, the daughter of all Manhattan SVU, would have surrounded with the people that loved her so.


	14. Epilogue

**A/N-** It's over! I could cry. This story was my first, and now it's finished! How upsetting! I would like to acknowledge the beta of almost every chapter, save the beginning and the last few, and many thanks to everyone who's reviewed, favorited, and simply read my story. Thanks so much!

**Disclaimer-** I don't own them. Duh!

**Pretty Please?- **Reviews. I love them!

**Summary-** One night, Olivia finds a gift that can only be described as a blessing and a curse. Developing E/O…

"Daddy's home! Daddy's home! Daddy's home! Can I tell him, Mommy? Pretty please!" Alexandra begged, excitement barely contained as the lock clicked in the door. Elliot Stabler set down his coat and badge on the counter and swept her up in a hug as she came running down the hall.

"Tell me what, sweetpea?" he asked, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Mommy made me promise not to tell," she pouted, running her finger over the gold wedding band on his finger.

"Bring her in here and we'll both tell you," his wife of almost three years called.

Elliot shook his head, grinning widely, and picked the girl up and slung her over his shoulder, ignoring the giggling protests directed at his back. He made his way into the family room, depositing her on the couch next to her mother before seating himself next to Olivia.

"Now can we tell him?" Alexandra asked, crawling onto Elliot's lap and looking up at her parents.

"I'm just too excited, sweetheart, why don't you tell him?" Olivia asked, leaning into Elliot's embrace.

"Okay, Mommy! Guess what, Daddy, guess what!"

"What, sweetpea?"

"I felt it kick, Daddy! Mommy made a face and put my hand on her belly, and I _felt_ it!" she exclaimed, picking up her Daddy's big hand and laying it on her Mommy's pregnant belly.

Elliot only had to wait a few moments before a small kick landed underneath his palm.

"Oh, Liv, that's wonderful," he said, kissing his wife.

"She's your daughter, Elliot, and she's already a trouble-maker. I haven't had a moment's peace since it happened after lunch." Olivia sighed and draped her hand over her stomach, smiling despite feeling their child move around inside her.

"She? What do you mean, she?" Elliot asked, startled.

"Call it a sixth sense or maternal intuition, Elliot, but I know this baby is another beautiful little girl," she whispered, hugging him and Alexandra as close as her belly would allow.

Four and a half months later, Madison Ashley Stabler arrived, to join her sister as a loved daughter of the even closer SVU.


End file.
